Date: Tue, 07 Sep 2004 22:03:05 -0600 From: Karla Schulz Subject: Carrots and Celery snapshots from the road series part five This one's dedicated to Karl (mostly due to'k' pride) but also cause I just noticed what an appropriate theme this snap shot's is. Envy my wild sock purchasing good times. --- Hour seven -- I left my boot at a truck stop. "So which House Carrots?" In a desperate attempt to get Jonas and I to stop playing Sexual Innuendo Ahoy! Kyle has brought up the subject of Sorting Hats Hogwarts style. I give this question the thought and contemplation it deserves, while slowing drumming my fingers against the slightly grimy table of the diner where we currently sit. Too slow, he answers his own question, "Naturally, I would be in Gryffindor." I scoff, "Oh please Kyle, you're such a Hufflepuff." "What?!" He looks mildly offended. "Am I right Jonas?" Jonas nods. "See, there you go. You're hard working, fair, loyal as a dog... slightly boring—" "Bastard." Leaning across the table to backhand my shoulder. "Okay," I say with a grin, "But other than the boring thing, the other bits are true, and that makes you Grade A Hufflepuff. Accept it." "And what are you then?" He demands darkly. I tilt my head and think for a moment more. "Slytherin, probably." "Slytherin?" Now it's his turn to scoff. "Since when are you the Prince of Darkness?" "Since Colin started giving me lessons." Saying that is, in my opinion, comedy gold. You know, considering how they feel about him. That's right. Laugh. "Take that show on the road." Kyle apparently disagrees. "I already have!" I'm really cracking myself up over here. "You seriously think you'd cut in Slytherin nice boy?" Jonas wants to know. "Oh I'm down. If this trip isn't a Slytherin move I don't know what is. I'm going to get what I want, and to hell with everyone else." "What is it that you want, exactly?" Kyle asks rather timidly. Pfft. Hufflepuff. "I'll let you know as soon as I decide." "That'd be appreciated." "What about you my fine dread locked friend?" "Well, I am sly." I nod generously. "Of course you are." "And ambitious." "You want world domination and you want it NOW NOW NOW!" "Slytherin for life!" We knock fists. Kyle has buried his head in his arms. "I can't believe you're dating a Hufflepuff." I say in disgust. Jonas nods. "I know. I'm suddenly filled with the blackest of black shame." "I've just realized I liked you better when you were distracted and constantly worrying about your parents. I forgot how mean you are." Kyle has a full on pout rocking. And the actual meanness of that statement I'm assuming has to do with the whole seven hours in a car, two of which were spent with his brother and boyfriend assigning sexual connotations to inanimate objects. "S'why I'm in Slytherin droog." Jonas answers blithely, letting Kyle's attitude slide. "I still say I should be in Gryffindor." He grouses. "Get off it. You're Hufflepuff through and through, we've already established it. Anyway, it's not so bad. Hufflepuffs get all the action." I placate him. "Action? What action do any Hufflepuffs get?" "Well, Cedric Diggory was totally scoring with Cho Chang." "Yeah, until he DIED." "The death of a hero! Martyred for the cause! Plus, he kind of won the Tri Wizard. And he won at Quidditch that one time." "There you go Kyle," Jonas says comfortingly, taking Kyle's hand. "If anyone's a Gryffindor, it's Celery." Like always, my saying that name results in temporary paralysis of both parties. "Why?" Kyle eventually recovers to say. I shrug. "Cause he's brave and fool hearty and headstrong and he's all about rushing headlong into things and thinking about the repercussions later. Plus, the man has the biggest White Knight Complex of anyone ever." I shrug again. "Not that I don't sort of love him for it." Which pretty much wraps up the Sorting Hat conversation. Later, when we're back on the road, Jonas states offhandedly, "So I'm thinking about cutting my hair." "What? No -- you can't!" Kyle protests, sounding oddly distressed. Jonas looks at him curiously from his position in the passenger's seat. "What do you care?" Kyle looks mildly boggled. "Hello -- boyfriend! Attached to your current appearance! Plus -- Vasskez! Not big with the change." Jonas's mouth quirks with amusement, "I never knew you cared." "Of course I care! I don't love you for your mind alone." He grumbles. "Well, I'm disappointed. All along I thought you two had a love that transcended looks and gender -- existing on a higher plane of pure feeling." "Piss off and die Carrots." Kyle mutters angrily. I laugh again, and Jonas joins in, which means I totally win again. "Jonas," Kyle starts off in a rather amusing whine, "Since when are you on his side and not mine? Remember when we were partners in crime? Remember that?" "Yes well, current dynamics of the group dictate that I jump back and froth and am thus able to make fun of BOTH of you." Jonas notes primly. "So this isn't just your way of expressing your passive aggression towards me?" I'm alarmed to detect genuine worry in Kyle's voice, and it doesn't look like I'm the only one. "Kyle," Jonas says, gripping his knee, "The aggression I'm feeling isn't because of you and it's not supposed to be directed towards you." He looks down, and even from my poor angle in the back seat, I can tell he's ashamed. "I'm sorry if you've felt like I've been taking it out on you." Kyle smiles softly, and I'm guessing if he wasn't driving, there'd be some kissing going on right now. "Wow." "What?" "It's just, my presence has intruded on so many of your private moments." "They're not private if you're here." Jonas mentions, like logic really has a place here. "Yes, but they should be." Noticing my actual distress, patience and soothing colours Kyle's voice, "Care, you're around, which is how we like it. As a result of your aroundness, sometimes you witness private stuff. It's okay." "And we DO have actual private moments every once in awhile. There have been revelations you haven't witnessed." "I've witnessed quite a few though." "Trust us; we're capable of having revelations without your presence. You haven't seen half of them even." Kyle assures me. "You guys must be pretty revelations happy." "Yeah."