Date: Mon, 03 Nov 2003 13:32:38 -0600 From: Karla Schulz Subject: Carrots and Celery Part three chapter nine It's a bird. It's a plane. No! It's another chapter of C&C. --- Okay. So obviously something we've learned by now is that nothing in my life can be simple. I mean, that would just be silly. It pretty much seems like no matter what, at least one thing in my life has to be going all screwy or wonked or whatever. So naturally, just as things have gone back to being really good with me and Celery, and I'm really starting to get my bond on with Colin, all my other friends have gone insane. And I'm not talking about Jonas and Kyle, 'cause that's real and serious and I'm really worried about them. But at this particular moment, I'm talking about something else. And in case you forgot (and I bet you did, even though I only said it like two lines ago) what I'm talking about is INSANITY. Like, I'll give you an example. What just happened to me about five seconds ago in the cafeteria actually. I was walking over to the table of Brian, innocently planning to sit down with him and start having my lunch (like I've done so many times I don't even know why I'm explaining it to you) when he gets up, glares at me, and then walks off. I mean, what the hell? And that glare was definitely for me too. And like okay, I've noticed some distance and weirdness before this, but this was the first time someone has actively avoided me and openly exhibited dislike. So I sit down, and direct my look of 'what the hell' to Jonas and Alex. Alex makes an annoyed sound in his throat, and gets up too. Double what the hell. "Jonas?" I ask. "What's going on? Are they like mad at me or something?" He rolls his eyes. "Just a little bit." Shaking his head with 'I don't believe this' type disgust. "And I take it you're mad at me too." He sighs. "Carrots, the 'I'm oblivious' thing? It's getting really old. Okay? Just give it up already." "I don't know what the hell you're talking about," and I really, really don't. "Whatever, man. I think I'm going to bail too. I'll see you after school." Leaving me where you find me now, sitting alone at the table, completely stunned. A few minutes of that stunned thing happens, and then I feel Colin's hand on my shoulder. "What's up, kid? Why the solo dineage?" I shrug. "For some reason I have zero clue about, everyone is pissed off at me." He takes a seat. "Zero clue?" I nod. "One hundred percent no clue." "Who's all mad at you?" "Everyone!" "Well, I doubt that. For example, I'm not mad at you. I bet other people aren't too." He gets up, and walks a few strides over to a table packed with grade nines. "Any of you mad at him?" he asks them, pointing at me. "Uh, no," one says, looking more than a little uncomfortable. Big bad senior I guess. "See," Colin is triumphant, sitting back down with me at our table. "Everyone who knows who I am, then." "Possibly. But unlikely. Find someone else. Look around, what about that girl over there?" "Jordyn?" "She's perfect! You even know her name!" And you don't? "Dude, that's Jordyn. She sat in front of us in Bio. She works on the yearbook, the paper..." He shrugs, unconcerned. "If you say so." "I do. I can't believe you don't know who she is, or like, her name at the very least." He shrugs again. "Look, man, I know your name. That's about it." Now it's my turn to roll my eyes. "Come on, you know way more than that." "I do?" He sounds doubtful. "Well, yeah! I mean, you know who Brian is, right?" He crosses his eyes in concentration. "Brian is the retro glasses kid, right?" He's serious. "No! That's Alex!" "I thought Alex was the stocky choir boy." "That would be Brian." "Which would make the shrimpy blond with dreadlocks who always glares at me in Graphics Jonas!" He's actually like, proud of himself over there. "Well done." "What do you want from me?" I smile. "Nothing. I just find it strange, that's all." "Kay then. But, getting back to your plummeting popularity stock, still no theories?" "Zilch." "Then ask that girl whose name you can't believe I didn't know... you know, Jennifer or whatever," "Jordyn." He laughs. "Yeah, I know." "Okay, I'm gonna do it." Steeling myself and standing up. Colin smiles approvingly. "There's a good boy." I take a moment to glare at him, and then wave Jordyn over. She sees me, and comes reluctantly. "Hey," I say. "Hi." Now, the question: how do you tactfully ask someone why the whole world suddenly hates you? "I sort of have a weird question here. I've been noticing some... strangeness, lately, from people. Not of the good variety. And I was kind of wondering—" "Why everyone's so pissed off at you?" "Yes!" I say, holding up a hand. "That's right. Exactly." Should I be offended or worried by how quickly she guessed? "You really don't know?" why does everyone find this so surprising? "I really don't." She sighs, "Well, you don't need to look very far," and then she hits Colin with the old pointed stare for a couple seconds before walking off. "This is YOUR fault?" He puts a hand to his chest, takes a step back. "What'd I do?" "Well I don't know, but apparently it was something." "If I'm the one who did it, why's everyone mad at YOU?" That's a good point. "I have no idea. But it's stupid. And I say grrr." He does the breathe out smile thing. "Go with that then." Walking and pouting being something I'm able to do at the same time, I start walking and keep pouting. Colin pats my head. "It's okay. We'll figure it out -- together!" I laugh at his cheesy optimism. Probably exactly like he wanted me to. "It's just..." I sigh. "Not totally with me yet about the some people just don't matter thing?" "Well, no. I mean -- yeah, some people don't matter. But some people do. Like, Jonas matters. He matters to me. And I don't want him to be mad at me." "We'll figure it out," Colin promises, now with his arm around my shoulders. I smile gratefully. We keep walking for a little while and then a question occurs to me. I decide to ask it. Mostly 'cause I want to know the answer, which is perhaps the best reason to ask a question. "Why are you so nice to me?" He just gives me a confused look. "I just mean, like, what's so different about me? You like, hate everyone. Or at least, don't go out of your way to like them. So what makes me so special? How come you like me?" He shrugs. "I guess it's the part about you reminding me of me. And other stuff. You get that I don't care what people think, but it doesn't make you angry, you just let it be. You accept me without making it seem like a big deal." He shrugs. "We're just friends, Carrots, let's not try too hard to analyze why." "Okay." Just as we're about to reach my locker, Colin stops suddenly. I look at him quizzically. "What?" He smacks himself in the forehead. I repeat my question. "I think I figured it out." He's sounding both annoyed and `the obviousness of this is killing me'. "Really? What is it?" "What were we just doing?" I shrug. "Walking?" "Yeah, but how?" "I don't know, reasonably quickly, not over fast... what are you getting at?" He sighs. "I had my arm around your shoulders." "So?" He raises his eyebrows. I continue to stare at him blankly. "THINK, Carrots." I do. I've got nothi -- oh, those idiots! When he sees the anger breaking out on my face, Colin knows I've gotten it. "They think we're messing around?" Hear the fury in my voice, friends and neighbors. I fume for awhile, the too angry to talk thing. Here's what's bothering me the most, "I can't fuck BELIEVE Jonas! He KNOWS I'd never do that!" And then more of the too angry thing. "Doesn't matter, Carrots." He tries the placating tone. "Doesn't matter? Colin, you're not mad about this? I mean -- you're straight!" He shrugs. "I don't care what they think. It's what we know is true that matters, right?" Right... but damnit it! I'm mad over here! He comes over and puts the arm back over my shoulders. "You're my friend, Carrots," he says firmly. Eventually, I can't help but smile. "And you're mine. So fuck everyone else and what they think." He grins proudly. "That's the spirit!" I return the grin. "Let's go to class." The afternoon is a bit weird. Now that I know what's going on, I'm suddenly so aware of it, all the time. The weird looks we get, the way people whisper behind their hands to each other. Whenever it really starts to get to me, Colin will do something lame and cheesy, and it'll make me laugh. I try to convey the gratitude I have for what he's doing, and though I don't really get out the words, I'm pretty sure he understands. I find Jonas waiting for me when I get to my locker at the end of the day. He's tugging at one of his dreads like I've noticed he often does when he's nervous. I open my locker, exchanging the books in my hand for the ones I'll need for homework and stuffing them in my backpack. It's not until I've closed my locker and locked it again that I acknowledge Jonas. "Hey," I say, trying in a half assed sort of way to suppress the rage in my voice. The dread tugging increases. It's pretty cute, but he's not getting off that easy. Legitimate grievance guy over here. "Look, man, I'm really sorry about earlier." He sighs. "I was just pissed off, and not even at you really, but you were there and I guess I sorta took it out on you. I'm sorry." I shrug. "It's okay." What's weird is that I really mean that. Suddenly I'm not mad at Jonas at all. I mean, I believe him, for one, and also, I just really don't want to be mad at him. I love the guy. It's lame being mad at your brother. I'd rather be having fun with him than being all alone and broody to like, punish him or whatever. That's no fun. "No man, it's not. I had no right to treat you like that. Especially not 'cause... well, did you figure out why everyone's mad?" I nod. "Yeah." His guilty look intensifies. "I don't want you to think... I mean, I know you'd never - I know you'd never even look at another guy." "Thanks, Jo." He comes up close. "How you doing with it?" "What, the knowledge that all my friends think I'm some kind of a backstabbing slut?" He winces. "It's not like that." "What's it like then?" "They're worried about you. Colin is so..." "Colin's a great person. Just 'cause he doesn't go around trying to please people all the time doesn't mean everyone has a license to hate him." Jonas just stands looking awkward. "I guess that's true and everything," he concedes. But obviously isn't ready to change his own opinion on the matter. "Anyway, let's get off that topic. I'm done caring about what other people think. He's my friend and that's it. People can say and think whatever they want -- nothing's going to change that." "Any ideas?" "For what?" He smiles a little. "The new topic." I throw an arm over his shoulders. "How about the real reason you were so bitchy at lunch?" There's the hair tugging again. "Um..." "Kyle?" He looks up, surprised. "Naturally brilliant?" I grin. "Well, yeah, but that's not how I knew. Kyle and I talked last night." His expression turns to a mix of worried and more of the nervous. "Is he really mad at me?" I shake my head. "No. He's worried, and admittedly frustrated, but he's not mad. Not at you. The situation maybe." I toss in a shrug at the end. "It's just," Jonas sighs. "It's really hard." "I know." He looks at me with big eyes and a lip that wants to be pouting. "They're my parents, Carrots." "I know they are, man." "I love them. But, like, I love him too." He shakes his head. "How am I supposed to make a choice like that? How can I pick between them?" "I don't know, man. You don't know how much I wish you there was some way you didn't have to. I mean, this isn't really the kind of choice you should ever have to make. It's not fair." "And neither is life, so I just have to deal, right?" "I guess so." The remainder of the journey home is walked in silence, but it's not all bad. Jonas looks pretty lost in thought, but I don't think he's exactly brooding. Just shy of it, but still, not completely gone. The twins are just heading out the door when we get home. They stop though, when we almost plow into each other on the front steps. That's when they do something that surprises me, and leaves Jonas pretty much stunned. First Dave, and then Jon, wraps Jonas in a hug, saying, "Love you, bro." And that's it. They smile, and continue on their way. Jonas just stares after them, his mouth hanging open. I slap him on the back. "We all love you here, man." A small smile eventually finds its way on his lips. "I know." We work on homework for about an hour before Kyle shows up, and when he does, Jonas gets up immediately to greet him. They do the wordless stare thing for awhile, and then Kyle takes Jonas in his arms. "I love you," he whispers into Jonas' ear. Jonas turns his face up to Kyle's and beams softly at him. I consider coughing loudly, but decide against it. I want them to have this. I want them to have a lot of this actually. "I love you too, Kyle." Kyle beams back, and lets him out of the hug to take his hand. I'm neither surprised nor offended when Kyle starts casually leading Jonas out of the kitchen and I can only assume up the stairs. The next day happens, and it's good to see Kyle and Jonas tumbling down the stairs together, looking tired but blissful. It's a sight that's gotten way too rare in these parts lately. Jon and Dave happen to be up early as well, and they seem equally pleased. Smug even. Crazy kids. Less fun is school, where I'm still pretty much doing the jaw grinding, fist clenching thing every time a disapproving glance or cough gets fired our way. Colin on the other hand continues to handle it calmly, occasionally even bordering on amusement. Annoyance builds all morning, though when Jonas comes to sit with me at lunch and makes loud and obvious gestures of friendship it sort of cheers me up. The problem being that everyone starts looking at him like he's gone all traitor too, which gets me pissed off all over again. Having made it to second period in the afternoon without completely wigging on someone and like, just giving them the verbal thrashing of their life, I figure I've accomplished something great. Momentous. Possible miraculous even. But just when I'm thinking, `hey, maybe I've been good long enough, I deserve to put some of this rage to good use', Colin again comes to my aid. "Not so much with the just not caring thing today," he observes. "Yeah. I've pretty much abandoned that. I'm going for seething with rage at the moment." "Does it really matter to you that much? What people think of you?" I turn to him and sigh, wanting to find a way to make him understand. "They're supposed to be my friends, man. How come they don't trust me? How could they really believe something like this about me? Why do I rate such a low opinion?" More with the sighing. "But it's more than that, you know. That part I guess I can deal with. I won't ever like it, but I can recognize they're idiots and just not care." "So what's the but?" "The but is... it's like, has Celery always been the favourite and I just didn't know it?" Colin looks confused. "What I mean is, how come everyone's automatically siding with HIM? Why isn't anyone going -- we know it's been really hard for you since Celery's gone, and we can understand why you need to be close with someone else? Why isn't anyone jumping to my defense? Why are Celery's feelings the only ones that matter in this little imagined drama? I know people love him over here -- it's sort of a common problem we have -- but I always thought they all loved me too. I thought we were pretty equally well liked. I mean -- which one of us at least made the effort to talk to other people every once in awhile? First and only clue: ME! So I guess I'm just like, surprised and a little sad, I thought I meant more to people than this." Colin sighs and puts his hand on my shoulder. "You do, Asparagus." "What are you talking about?" I ask softly, all the wind now out of my sails after my little rant up there. "Alright, so bear in mind that this is just a theory and it's possible it's not even a little bit valid," he cautions, holding up a hand. I nod. "Understood." "Okay. So I just think that maybe, maybe this whole thing has more to do with jealously than like, thinking you're really screwing around behind Wonder Boy's back." I smirk at the nickname, but then go back to being confused. "Huh?" He smiles a bit, doing the nose thing. It's his `okay-okay, I'll try to explain better' smile. "It's like this, for all these years, it was you and Celery. And you made it clear there wasn't much room for anyone else in your little world. People got used to that, they accepted it. Didn't always like it maybe, but accepted it. Only then Celery moved. Suddenly it was a whole new ball game, see? Suddenly you've got all these people thinking maybe there was a spot open. And I don't mean just in the romantic sense. Because I think you ARE a really well liked guy -- maybe a little too well liked. That's the major flaw in your school-friends system, Care. You're all with the funny and the crazy and the nice, but never for very long. So you've got all these people wanting more. Wanting to get closer to you -- even if it's just in the hanging out, being pals capacity. Only they never went after it 'cause of Celery. Out of respect and also the knowledge that it'd be pretty much pointless. "But go back to what I was saying before about Celery's leaving. The suddenly there's a spot open thing. I'm betting there were a lot of people that the thought occurred and appealed to. So they dealt with your grieving period because it was what was expected. They went with your ups and downs and shutting everyone out and just handled it. Waiting, biding their time. Being there for you until you'd finally be able to offer something back. And so finally, in just the past little while, you've started to be okay again. You've been laughing and making with the lame jokes and appear to be having a pretty quality time. Everything should be groovy, except you're not having fun with them. You're hanging out with ME -- some fucking upstart who never put in his time -- who let's face it -- nobody's an especially big fan of anyway. So it makes sense they're pissed off. Maybe it's just easier for them to tell themselves it's about the other thing instead of admitting they're all jealous or whatever." "If that's really what's going on," I say eventually, shaking my head slowly, "I have a bunch of fucking idiots for friends." Colin laughs, surprised and no doubt a bit proud. "Cheer up, at least you have me." I find it's too difficult not to grin back. "Thank heavens for that."