Date: Sat, 13 Nov 2004 16:58:27 -0600 From: Karla Schulz Subject: Carrots and Celery Part Three Chapter 28 I can count to G! --- We're yelling again. And that's depressing enough as it is, but the truly sad part is I don't even really know what we're yelling about. What I can tell you is that I'm extremely pissed off -- but that's at least partly due to the fact that we're yelling again, and I don't even remember why. In the midst of all this, right when I'm about to lay down some serious rage, Celery says something biting, and mocking and absolutely fucking hilarious and I'm incapable of stopping the peel of laughter that escapes me. I was standing up to emphasize my rage, and I'm laughing so hard I actually have to sit down. "Damnit! I still like you better than anyone else even while I'm so many different kinds of furious with you I could draw blood." The bastard actually grins. Smugly. My death glare scares him about as much as not at all, and he takes a seat down beside me, pushing me gently backwards and then leaning over me to lie teasing half kisses across my face. "Celery, what are we going to do?" I moan exhaustedly. "Raise goats," He murmurs, still placing kisses lightly against my skin. "Celll..." I protest rather unconvincingly. "Hmm?" Progressing to my neck now. "I think you're forgetting about our master plan." "No I remember -- goats... mountain living. A nice cave with a view. Just us." In a rare burst of inner strength I force my hands to grip his shoulders and keep him at bay. "The other plan. The not having sex to solve our problems plan?" He sighs, and rolls away without any more struggling (which he had been doing, half heartedly, up until this point). "Right. That plan." "As you may recall, it was you who master minded that one." "I should so very much invent a time machine so I can warn myself about doing stupid stuff like that." He reflects yearningly. "Until then -- and I'm not saying I don't like that plan -- we should probably try to sort this out." "Do you even remember what we were fighting about?" Damn. "Well... no -- but there had to be a reason, right?" "Yeah. I mean, we certainly always have great reasons to get upset with each other lately." Sarcasm. So comforting. I could wrap myself in it and never feel scared again. "Point. But, okay -- whatever the particular issue was isn't really important, but the source is right?" "Right." "So, let's break this down." "Okay." "We're stupid." "Agreed." "And really, really selfish." That one is harder to say. "Yes." The reply not as lightly delivered. "And we think lying -- especially to each other -- is super fun." "Indeed." "So what are we going to do about it?" "I think maybe," he says with a sigh. "We're making this a lot harder than it has to be." In a vague sort of way, I think he's right, but I'm not entirely sure what he means. "In what way?" "It's just..." another sigh, and he waves his hand around distractedly. "I feel... I mean, we've been pretty much fighting all day -- all week even, and yet... I'm happy. Right now Carrots, being with you even if it's hard and we're fighting -- it's the best time I've ever had." In the silence that states my disbelief; Celery turns again to face me. "Look at my eyes Carrots." He commands. Feeling strangely reluctant, I take my time doing it, but comply. I'm taken aback by what I see. They're blue. Perhaps not as bright as I've seen them, but they're consistently and firmly blue. "See, here's how I think about it -- I did the coping mechanism thing cause I convinced myself I had to and I became someone else. Being Celery hurts to much? Well, simple, stop being Celery. So I become John, and I can be that guy Carrots. I've learned that much. I can go to school and work and have friends and be fucking normal and that's okay. That's enough for me; I can get myself to settle for that. And I'll have ups and downs like everybody else cause that's just a fact of life it's NORMAL. But there's no JOY -- that's only with you. Because I'm not normal when I'm with you, I'm so much more than that when I'm being the person only you can make me enough to be." He shakes his head, getting up and taking a quick pace across the length of his room. "You know, the other day, when we were at the skate spot -- there was awhile when I was sitting at the curb with Saul and you were still out there, I think maybe you were trying to land a switch kick flip or something... but the point is, I was busy watching you, and suddenly Saul was like -- `John, what the fuck is wrong with your eyes?' And I didn't know what the hell he was talking about and I said that he looked at me super oddly and said, `Man, they're blue. Your eyes. They're a totally different colour than they're supposed to be.' Until then, I hadn't even fucking realized -- but every single day Carrots, `happy' or not, everyday that I've been without you, my eyes have been grey. Always." "Well if nothing else, over the course of this year, I'd have to say our impassioned speech giving capabilities have vastly improved." He blinks, laughs, and draws me into a hug. "You realize that in my world, that's like you saying you love me and that we're okay again." I make a few half hearted grumbly noises but eventually relent with a sigh, muttering, "Yeah, in mine too." "So you want to make one?" "What?" "An impassioned speech." "No, I think I'm good." "I love you too, by the way." It's absurdly wonderful to simply burry my head deeper into his shoulder and say, "I know." Time passes in beautiful simplicity for awhile and then, "You know what we haven't done in awhile?" This time I don't put any pretend reluctance and upset into my sigh. "This?" He holds me tighter and I hear the smile in his voice. "Yep.' It's me who kisses him then, not so we can have sex to pretend thing are okay, but because, just maybe, there's a small possibility that they are.