Date: Wed, 07 Jan 2004 18:00:40 -0600 From: Karla Schulz Subject: Carrots and Celery Part Three chapter 15 This chapter is dedicated to all the wonderful people in the world who wrote me an e-mail about the story but have yet to receive anything back because I am a slack bastard. You people rock and deserve better. I love getting mail SO much and I'm absolute scum for not responding, but I don't know... December was over before I was fully aware it started and then suddenly it was like - oh wait... school you say? Work? Essay Proposals? Research Assignments? What? So, I'm kind of buried right now, is the moral of the story. And I should respond to all the individual e-mails because they're all so great and you people are routinely filling me with amusement and confusion and delight, pride and encouragement and each e-mail is so special to me... but I'm a bastard, as I believe I mentioned. If you asked me a question in your e-mail, I'm especially sorry I wasn't able to respond, but maybe your question will be answered in the chapter. So I hope you'll take this chapter as a peace offering, and that it won't discourage any of you out there from writing me an e-mail, because getting e-mail from fans is and always will be like one of the highlights of my days. In conclusion: Get out of my way - I'm trying to get to Bio Chem!!! --- I wake up earning in the morning, so early it's practically still the night, and Celery's awake, propped up on his side. Staring at me. "Hi," "Hi," I don't know what else to say. Nothing else is required. He starts brushing his fingers along my cheek, moving down to the nape of my neck, eyes gazing intently. "You're so beautiful," he whispers hoarsely, his fingers now running down along my chest, still locking me up in his gaze. "Um, thanks," I say, blushing and feeling oddly shy. "Your body it's so," he breathes in deeply, eyes closed. "It's perfect," "Celery, come on. You're the like, Adonis boy. Not me. Eh, muscles," I chuckle. "I should start calling you that," He looks up at me, away from my chest, not an especially big fan of the idea by the looks of things. "You call me Celery," I roll my eyes, smiling still, but beginning to feel strange, confused. Just when I thought that had finally gone away for good. And I'll tell ya, I wasn't missing it. "Yeah, but everyone calls you that, it's not even like a nickname anymore," how old is this news? "Well, that other thing then," "That other thing?" I tease, cause I think he's embarrassed to say it. "Yeah, that other thing," I hope what I'm seeing is an embarrassed smile forming on his lips, but I really can't tell for sure. "Cel?" I ask. "Are you okay?" "I'm fine," he says vaguely, sitting up and straightening, pulling his knees close against his chest and clutching onto them. Just like everyone does when nothing is bothering them. I don't know about you guys, but I really missed all the sarcasm. "Cel, seriously," I reach out and put my hand on his bare shoulder. "I just feel weird, that's all," oh. That explains everything. I'm so less confused now. Told ya I was bringing sarcasm back. "Weird how?" "Just weird," like that's it, and the topic's closed. "Hey sweet one," I sing softly, trying to turn him around so he'll look at me. "To me Carrots," he says, turning back to me and tracing his finger along my jaw line, "You're the most beautiful person on the planet. I love everything about how you look, everything, every detail," something about how he's talking is so incredibly sad, and I have no idea what's going on. Or how to make it better. It might help if I wasn't feeling so confused myself. Both by the way he's acting right now and by the feelings I've been having since he got back. I just want to be close to him. I want whatever strange barrier seems to be blocking me from feeling that to just like, go away. Like I thought it had last night. But I don't know what to say. We can't seem to connect with each other. "You say that like you're never going to see me again," I joke, bringing back another old favourite. Come on. Easy one. You can do this! No? Alright, I'll help you out, that's another old favourite after all. The first one that started all this talk is the joking around when I can't handle being serious. You know, my most classic maneuver! "No," He shakes his head. "It's just," "What, you sound like this is new somehow," smiling and still trying desperately trying to keep this light. "I look the same as I always have. What, did you like forget what I looked like or something?" At it again with the lame jokes. Tragically, it only makes Celery disappear deeper into himself, darkening his features and saddening his eyes. "I almost did." You tell me. What am I supposed to say to that? Since you're no help and I'm lost as what to say, I just lean over and kiss him. After a few seconds he's kissing me back until we're locked together in this sort of hungry desperation that, while not exactly hours of fun, is all consuming. Following that we sleep, but mine is fitful and short lived. I wake to discover Celery has gone, out of bed anyway, now sitting on the floor, leaving against my shut door. There I'm guessing because of the clear view it gives you of the bed. He's dressed, but looks tired and distraught. "Cel, are you okay?" Cause I didn't know how to say he clearly isn't. "I love you Carrots," he says in a very hollow, toneless sort of way I'm lost at trying to understand. "I know you do," I hope to sound reassuring, starting to rise out of bed and go to him. "It's okay," he stops me, hand held out. "I'm going to go get breakfast. You take your shower or whatever, yeah? I'll see you in a little while," Still much too baffled by his performance to be capable of much else, I nod and dumbly watch him slip out of the now half open door. When I get down stairs after my shower, Celery's watching cartoons with Kara and the twins in the living room. A smile begins to form on my lips as I stand in the doorway watching them. They look so happy, especially the kids. Celery is smiling too, probably amused by how easily they're entertained. But that's nothing new. That's just the way Celery is. People are captivated by him. "Having fun without me," I tease. Celery looks up, and his peaceful smile flickers briefly before it comes back redoubled. "Too much fun even." "I'm not too worried," "Maybe you should be," He's taunts, getting up. "Okay, I'm terrified," He comes over and kisses me. "That makes two of us," I look into his eyes, and for a second I'm actually afraid he was being serious, but he smiles at me and his eyes are a soft blue. "Hungry?" He shakes his head. "I already ate," I nod. "Okay, I'm going to go eat something," I hesitate, "You wanna come along?" He grins. "I'd be delighted," I'm still confused, not knowing how to explain his dramatic shift in mood, but mostly I'm just glad he seems to be back to normal. That whole thing earlier this morning like, scared me. I don't want to hear that kind of pain in his voice, see it in his eyes. Especially not about me. "So tell me about this Colin dude, how long've you been hanging out?" I've got my back turned to him, getting cereal out of the cupboard, while I think about his question. "He's been around all year I guess, I just never really noticed him. Not in the right way at least. Then after Christmas, when everything was so," I stumble, feeling awkward talking about it. "Screwed up?" He aids kindly. I turn to face him, and nod. "Right. I don't know, somehow all that weirdness helped me see him in a really new light, and I realized he was a totally cool guy. We have a lot in common. Or, okay, that's not exactly right," I sit down at the table, and start pouring my milk. "It's like, well, it's sort of like us," He raises his eyebrows. "Me and you?" "Yeah. We're pretty different, but we've bonded over these totally weird and abnormal interests. Like mocking pop music and doing crosswords," "You do crosswords now?" He seems amused. "Yeah and I suck at them. Colin's good though. He always says being smart and not having any friends has allowed him to accumulate a vast amount of pointless knowledge," Celery smiles. "Just the kind you need to do crosswords," "Better believe it." "So what else," "Huh?" "What else do you do together?" "I don't know. Sometimes we drive around, listening to the radio, and making up our own words to sing along. Or we'll go to the mall and like, loiter. Mocking the shoppers. But mostly it's just hanging out in his room, listening to music, talking. Most Saturdays we hook up and have a massive crossword marathon. His dad gets like five different papers, and we try to do them all." "Sounds like a good time," Celery's voice has a strange hitch it in. He's smiling, and definitely does seem happy for me, and like he means what he's saying, but there's something else going on as well. Some kind of far off sadness or pain he doesn't know how to express. I reach over and take his hand. "We have fun, but you'll meet him soon and then you'll hear all about that stuff. Right now I'm with you, and that's the best thing I could ever think of. So tell me about you, I know we talk and e-mail, but I still feel like I've missed so much. What about provincials, still bummed about losing?" He does a half shrug. "Not really. It sucked to lose, but I don't know, I felt like we gave it our best shot. If we'd like slacked off, or the reffing had been unfair, then I'd be more upset. But it's really no big deal," I kiss his cheek. "I wish I could have been there," "What, to see me lose?" I roll my eyes. "No, to like, comfort you. Or just to have been with you," His face softens, and joy rushes into me as I see a peaceful look enter his eyes. "I missed you being there," I kiss him again, on his lips this time. "I love you Celery, I really do. And I'm glad you're here," He smiles, and I finally get started on my (now very soggy) cereal. Jonas and Kyle stumble into the kitchen just as I'm drinking the last dregs of milk from my bowl (which, according to my mom, is a disgusting habit I got from my dad). "Hey guys," Jonas mumbles. Still with one foot in sleep land. "What's up for today?" Kyle is only marginally more alert. "Well, Colin's coming over later," They look at each other, and grimace. "What, don't you guys like him?" Celery inquires, picking up on it right away. "We uh, don't um, actively dislike him," Jonas fumbles. "Yeah, it's just sort of, you know, not a love. He's uh..." Kyle looks to Jonas again, this time for a bail. "An acquired taste," "Reminds me of someone else I know," Celery says, sideways glance at me. My mind travels back to the party and the barn and the whole conversation about Kaleb and why he liked me. "Yeah, but less cool." He smiles. "That goes without saying," "When's he coming?" "Noonish," "By then we should probably be outta here," Jonas says, mostly to Kyle. Who nods. This gets Celery all curious again. "You really dislike him that much?" "No," Kyle denies quickly, but not altogether convincingly. "We'd just rather be you know, some where that's else," A sort of Oz line isn't going to be enough for me to not get pissed at Jonas for freaking Celery out, and I glare at him to let him know it. "Anyway, it'll give you guys a better chance to get to know each other," Here's my brother, doing his Kyle best to diffuse the situation, and take the heat off his honey. It's kind of cute when you think about it. No. I'm staying mad. I just got him in a good mood again. Damn them. "Right," Celery says, definite shades of freakage. And again I say damn them. "You'll get along great, there's like, no doubt in my mind." Jonas and Kyle share another look. Apparently, there's plenty in theirs. --- Things get off to a bit of a rough start when Colin arrives. Here's my definition of a rough start: Colin walks in, and says, "So, you're Celery," and then does the `here's me, being totally unimpressed' look. Celery responds to this by glaring at him and putting an arm around my shoulders. Let's all say it together: POSSESIVE! This only makes Colin sour further. So yeah. Not the best way to start. "So like, name introductions, clearly not an issue, but hey, you guys still have lots of getting to know each other action to get done, so let's like, go do some of that, in the living room?" Colin smiles a bit, like he's letting me know my trying too hard is totally obvious, and I smile weakly in return. Celery pulls me closer. We get to the living room eventually. Celery and I take the couch, and Colin one of the armchairs. It's a study in awkward silences. Then suddenly, Colin says, "So Celery, I've heard tons about you, why don't we find out if any of it is true?" I do an inner fist in the air of exultation as a small smile creeps onto Celery's lips. "Sounds good," So they go back and forth for awhile, actually doing the getting to know each other thing. Awhile lasts about 15 minutes. Then they start talking about me. I think I preferred awkward silence. After not too long, talking about me starts not working for them either. At first it was all in like, good fun, you know, the sharing embarrass Carrots stories with each other, but somewhere along the line that shifted, and now it's lost the friendly edge. It's like they're competing with each other or something. `I know more weird shit about Carrots than you do' and `there was this one time we laughed so hard I started choking' and stuff like that. I want to cut in somehow, and divert the conversation, but they're both getting pretty animated. And I'm like, way over on the sidelines. My pathetic attempt is to clear my throat really obviously. Waha! Success! That's two sheepish smiles directed at me! Yes! I'm the champion! "Guess we got a little carried away," I smile at him, Colin. "Just a little," Celery kisses me, softly, like an apology. I start to beam without even really noticing it. Colin's like, "Whoa," I laugh. "Sorry, I forgot you've never seen me do that before," He shrugs, grinning. "It's cool. I've never really seen you look that happy either, so I can deal with gay kisses if the fringe benefits include a happy Carrots," "Thanks man," We share a little smiling stare action. Celery just takes my hand in his. Like he thought I forgot about him and is reminding me of his presence. I raise my eye brows at him. Not exactly a reminder I needed big guy. He smiles a bit. "So Asparagus, you going to take off some school for quality timeage with Celery?" I shrug. "I don't really think so – you said you wouldn't mind doing the school thing again right?" Looking to Celery for conformation. He nods. "Yeah, it'll be fun to see everyone again. And better than real school, because I won't have to do any work and we'll be in all the same classes," This makes me smile happily. Very nice to be basking in his affection. I'll certainly take it over the other stuff that's been coming my way since he got here. "Dude, are you going to warn him about Crazy Ms. Sarte?" Colin asks with an evil grin. I roll my eyes at him, snickering. "Man, remember the poetry readings at the beginning of class?" He laughs. "To `set the mood'!" More mutual laughter. Really. If you had been there, you'd think it was hilarious. Like, picture this crazy old women, in like, elf boots, making really big air quotation marks as she said that, and like bobbing up and down. You can't not think that's funny when you see it happen on a daily basis for the first month of your class. "Who's crazy Ms. Sarte?" "She's this new drama teacher we got this year, and she's like, entirely off her rocker." I answer once I've stopped chuckling. "I don't even think she has one," Colin adds, and we crack up again. "But we do know she has cats," "Oh god," Colin is laughing and waving his hands around. "Remember Kaleb? "Her cat ate my homework!'" I'm practically convulsing now. I swear you'd think this was funny if you knew her. Or like, had a sense of humour. (See! THAT was a joke. I've just proven my own point.) Celery looks at us, laughing and gasping for breath, and he furrows his brow. "Kind of a had to be there thing?" Whoa. Bad. Very bad. A had to be there thing, and he wasn't there. I mean, he's always been there. This is very, very bad. I squeeze his hand and give that old love projected through the eyes thing my best shot. After a few seconds he smiles faintly, and squeezes back. "This moment brought to you buy?" Colin questions. I shrug. "Something. Don't worry about it." He nods. "Kay. Awkward silence anyone?" I grin. "Tact is just, not one of your best skills is it?" He smiles. "It comes from not caring about what people think of me. Kind of leads to the painful honestly thing." "The bothersome bluntness," "The aggravating abruptness," "The tiresome tactless ness," "The dire directness," "I'm all out." Colin gives up. "Me too," Celery squeezes my hand. That's just sort of how it keeps on going. Colin is animated, almost aggressively so, and Celery is mostly silent, communicating with body language and touch instead of speech. Not that I'm exactly complaining over here, it's just, I don't really think it's a happy thing for him. And he hasn't been sending Colin the love either. Glares when he thinks I'm not looking would be an accurate description of his behavior. So he glares, and he keeps me close, while Colin keeps engaging me in conversation, which is good for some laughs and distraction, but seems to be only adding to Celery's withdrawal. I sigh, beginning to realize that in their different and socially inept ways, they're both fighting for my attention. The dynamic of this group isn't working at all. Obviously, Celery has first place. His claim over me is absolute. He gets to hold my hand if he wants too. If he starts talking, I'm always gonna listen. But Colin's my boy too. Just in a majorly different way. And he's gotten me through some pretty tough shit. I can't just ignore him. Not that he's about to let me. Colin doesn't appear to be a fan of the whole second fiddle idea. And he's just showing both of us that by the way he's acting. I guess it sort of makes sense for Celery to feel threatened like he is, but he should know, you know? I think I've made it abundantly clear I'll never be interested in anyone else but him. But like, I'm allowed to have friends right? It's been pretty much steadily growing since he got here, and now, a couple hours since into it, the tension's definitely knife cutting capacity. I'm both grateful and in a way saddened when Colin gets up, and announces he really has to be getting going. "Okay man, we'll see you at school tomorrow though right?" He nods. "Wouldn't miss it," He assures me. Celery makes an `oh joy' face. "I'm looking forward to it already," Ah it's my old friend sarcasm. Colin smirks at me. "I'll see ya," "Yeah," I say absently, a little distracted by the `I can't believe you said that!' look I'm glaring Celery's way. He seems about to start humming, he's laying the innocent look on so thick. I sigh. I don't even know what to say. Colin looks a bit sorry, cause he knows the way Celery's acting is because of him, even though it's like, not his fault. He just sort of nods at me, and is just opening the door, when I decide I don't want him to leave this way. So I call him back, saying, "Hey Colin, if you see Jordan," He grins, cause he knows that's my way of letting him know I'm not mad at him or anything. "I'll be sure to tell him you hate him." I nod. "See that you do," and then with all the rocking on and peacing out and Avril. Turn back to Celery to see him giving me yet another confused look. "Who's Jordan?" I hold in a sigh and smile instead. "There is no Jordan. It's from this weird song, called If You C Jordan. Me and Colin are always sending each other cheesy e-cards and beatgreets and stuff, and this one time he sent me the if you see Jordan one. Apparently it's the musical equivalent of saying I hate you." He raises his eyebrows briefly like he's going to comment further, but then seems to let go of that thought. "Okay then." This sad heaviness in his voice. I walk up to him and put my arms around his neck, hoping it'll take his mind off whatever's making him look like that and just smile again. "And the whole Avril thing? That's Avril Lavigne?" I let out the sigh I held in earlier, dropping my arms from his neck. "Yeah," "I fucking hate Avril Lavigne," He mutters. "But don't you think she's so bad she's good?" What I expect to hear back is the line, 'no she's so bad she's gone past good and back to bad again' with is a thing from the movie Ghost World, sort of. But instead he says, "No. I think she's a talentless poser who needs someone to tell her real skaters don't wear baggy clothes." I'm surprised for a second, but then I remember that it was Colin I watched Ghost World with, not Celery. "Oh, well you don't have to like her, or you know, enjoy disliking her. Not just because I do," He has a heavy sigh of his own. "Sure," "Celery, are you really bothered by this?" He stares at me for a long minute, but then smiles. "No. It's fine. I'm with you. Everything's perfect." I let myself feel relieved, and ignore the voice inside me that's telling me he's lying. "I love you," He closes the gap and kisses me. "I love you too,"