Date: Thu, 12 Jun 2003 20:39:45 -0500
From: Karla Schulz <lanky_lanka@lycos.com>
Subject: Carrots and Celery Part Two Chapter 17

Merry Christmas - everyone!

Okay, I'd just like to state for the record that that sounded a lot less
lame in my head and also that the chat on Saturday night starts at 8pm
Eastern time.

Be there or go to hell. (Inside joke - i don't really want any of you to go
to hell, even if you don't come to the chat.)

---

My brain waits until the exact minute I see him standing in the airport -
until my first sight of Celery - to start laughing at me. It's definitely
not your 'laughing with me' variety of laughter.  It's a mocking laugh,
full of ridicule. What a sad, deluded creature I was to think I've been
okay these past months. Okay without him.  Yeah, I've been okay. Okay if
your heart has died maybe. Okay if you've been split in two. What about
everything I've done, felt?  Was none of it real? It felt real. But was it?
Maybe Celery has to be there with me, experiencing the same things, for
them to be real. Maybe that's what proves I've really done them, really
felt what I think I've felt. I glance over at Jonas and Kyle. They're
holding hands. So that happened at least. But did it happen the way I
remember it? Did I do what I think I did? I don't trust my own memory. I
turn my head away from them, back to look at Celery.  His smile is fading
now. Anxiety for me is replacing it. I start to cry and I can't move. This
isn't how I wanted it to be. I wanted to run, you know? Jump into his arms
and attack him with kisses, cause a scene. That kind of thing. Not this. He
approaches until we're together, until his arms are around me, but I keep
crying.  Did he succeed where I failed? Is he realizing the same things I
am as we stand here like this?


I can't tell you how long I cried, or how we all got out of the airport and
into the Le Baron. I do know that I calmed down about halfway back, not
back to normal, but not sobbing anymore. Able to look at him again. He
smiles at me, glad to see the tears have stopped.

"Hi," simple as that. Nothing about my ruining our meeting, no questions,
no pushing, just, 'hi'. And a smile. Happy to see me.

"Hi," mine's more loaded. The one word where I wanted to apologize,
explain. But not here. I'm glad Kara didn't come along. Or the twins.  It
would have upset them. Of course, upset is what everyone else seems to be,
so they'd be among friends. Only Celery seems okay.  Why? Playing serene
for me? Being my rock one more time as if the million other times he has
before weren't enough?

"I love you, baby," he kisses my forehead, and my whole body shakes.  My
whole being longs for him. I lean into him like a small child, or a kitten,
wanting to be petted. He strokes my hair and hugs me, which is better.

I realize happily that I'm not expected to talk. That he's fine with
silence. Right now I'm not concerned with pleasing anyone but Celery, and
if he's willing to be patient, then okay. We can just enjoy what's
happening now, being together, and worry about before later.

Later comes sooner than I would have liked. As soon as we get up to my room
in fact. We were supposed to just be dropping off his stuff and then
heading right back downstairs, but it doesn't really happen like that.

The whole, his arms around my waist as he asks thing softens the blow, but
still, the facing my issues part is much less fun.

"No pressure, but those weren't exactly 'gee I'm happy to see Celery!'
tears back there."

"No, they weren't."

"So, the no pressure thing stands, but can we talk about it?" I take in a
deep breath, trying to calm myself by getting the smell of him into my
system.

"Couldn't we wait? We could talk a little about other stuff first.  Kiss
and share I missed yous?" He smiles.

"We could, but the enjoyment level might go down due to the fact that I'm
going to be worrying and you'll probably still be silently freaking," he
really doesn't miss a beat.

"Oh," I'm adding SO much to the conversation. Really opening up and helping
out.

Celery walks over to my bed, and I follow. Not out of obedience or the
willingness to talk, I just can't not be near him. It's like magnetic. We
move together slowly until we're lying down, each on our sides with one arm
tucked under a pillow.

I slip my hand under his shirt and start running my fingers along his
chest. I'm not even trying to start something so he'll get distracted
really, I just have to be touching him. Celery's the same way. His hand
that was supposedly there to massage my shoulder has been moving
higher. Fingers along my neck and cheek, hand-fulls of my hair being run
through gently.

"People want to see you," I protest lamely at some point, as I feel his
eyes focusing in on me, almost time to talk. Stupid. I don't actually want
to leave, to go downstairs and explain to everyone.  To be looked at funny,
worriedly. I want to stay with him. I just don't want to have to talk about
it.

"And they'll see me. We have some things to sort out first," I don't know
about the rest of it, but there is one thing I can say.

"You don't think I like, didn't miss you, do you? Or wasn't happy to see
you? 'Cause that's not--"

"I know, baby. More of a missed me more than you realized, a little TOO
happy to see me deal, right?"

Sometimes, I really want to hate him for being so right all the time. The
whole me being the brains of this operation thing is a big joke. Or maybe
it's not brains. It's heart and sensitivity.  Insightful. He's certainly
that. I'm not really that open-bookey, just to Celery.

"I thought I was doing so well, like, making progress, getting better, and
then when I saw you... it was just like I had a total meltdown.  It was all
a lie, I'm not better," he kisses my fingers.

"You are."

" 'Cause, I sure feel great!"

"Baby, I understand what happened to you. It was an overload. I felt it
too, only, I don't know, it didn't affect me the same way.  I was frozen
just like you were, but when I saw you were crying, my body just took
over. I needed to get to you, stop the hurt. What happened doesn't erase
everything the past months. This was today, before was before. They relate,
but one doesn't control the other.  If you felt happy, if you laughed and
smiled, for whatever moment that you did it - it was real. Trust me. This
is just, I don't know, stuff catching up with us and the massive overload
of suddenly seeing each other again. It's natural to be feeling this way. I
mean, think about it. You hope and dream of something with everything that
you are, for months, and then suddenly - it comes true. Like, who wouldn't
be shaken up?"

Sometimes I almost forget how sensible he is. How clear he is at making
things. The ease with which he always sorts through my ragged emotions,
order in the chaos. Already anxieties are falling away, thawing is
occurring, joy returning. Delayed excitement and bliss over his presence.

I close my eyes, just taking a minute to make sure the feeling will last,
and discovering it to be growing, open them up again and give him the smile
I wanted to in the airport. No jumping, but the full frontal lip attack
goes well. This is how it's supposed to be. Right again. Whole again.

"You're a pretty swell guy, you know that?" I kid, some 15 minutes later
when our lips are numb. Not that we care, it just felt like time for a
breather.

He smiles, I love that smile. I missed seeing it. One of the
everything-about-him things I missed. It's his tender, sweet smile. The
peaceful, loving one. Lips spelling out everything is right with my world
and my world kicks ass.

"I do okay. Word is you're not so bad yourself," I chuckle. Such simple
stuff. No big. Best thing in the world. More than I could have hoped
for. Perfect.

"Is that right? Word on the street, huh?" He wiggles up closer, chest
pressed against chest. Full contact. My favourite kind.

"Will you sing to me?" Huh?

"You want me to sing?" I ask, bemused.

"Yeah," he smiles with the kind of shyness only Celery has mastered.  Kyle
and Jonas have nothing on my boy. "I love it when you sing." That's news to
me.

"But, I hardly ever even do it."

"I know!" His smile goes sort of wonky and his eyes shrug. "That's kind of
like, why I want you to do it. I thought about this kind of thing a lot,
you know? Stuff I really love that I never took enough time to properly
appreciate before. The taking for granted, we have all the time in the
world anyway, stuff."

"My singing was on that list?" I tease both of us, wearing an amused smile.

"Yes, now stop being mean and sing to me already, you awful person," I kiss
his neck, tickling him with my tongue. He groans, "Or you could just keep
doing that," I keep working on his neck, considering hickey possibilities,
he groans again, "either way," I work on him for a few more minutes, and
then see if I can hum and kiss at the same time. I discover that I can. So
I bathe his neck in kisses and hum 'the luckiest' at the same
time. Eventually I stop with the neck all together, and sing for real,
perched, legs straddling his hips. Celery doesn't complain.

"I love you more than I have, ever found a way to say to you," I sing
softly, "and I know, that I am, I am, I am, the luckiest. Next door,
there's an old man who lived to his nineties, and one day, passed away, in
his sleep, and his wife well she stayed for a couple of days and passed
away. I'm sorry, I know that's a strange way to tell you that I know, we
belong, that I know, that I am, I am, I am the luckiest," it's such a
beautiful song. I highly recommend you listen to it sometime. It's by Ben
Folds. Minus the five. Solo thing. So beautiful. I wish you could hear
it. I mean, not when I sing it, but just hear it. You'd get why me and
Celery are both sort of crying.

I give up on singing before I ever get through the song, worn out and
overloaded again, but Celery doesn't comment or object when I simply drift
off and lay my head down on his chest.

Tiring. Must have been, 'cause we fell asleep. Jonas and Kyle knocking on
my door, shouting good-naturedly that it's time to open up, I've had him to
myself for long enough. I'm happy to see them bust through my doorway,
grinning and sticking close. They're almost as big into contact as me and
Celery these days.

I roll off Celery and sit up.

"Hey, guys," Celery's still not quite awake. He's working on it though.

"Everything okay?" Jonas asks with a smile. I nod.

"Yep, all clear on the western front."

"And the other fronts, we don't need to know about," should have known Kyle
would come up with something like that.

"Still a bastard, eh Kyle?" Not so much with the half asleep anymore.

Kyle grins, so does Jonas. They've missed him. I didn't know how much until
I see how big their smiles are. The tears sort of involuntarily brimming up
in their eyes. So I'm not alone. That's kind of nice, in the 'hey we were
all a lot more sad than we were able to admit to ourselves' kind of way.

"I like to be consistent," Celery gets up off the bed and hugs each of
them.

I get up too, wanting in on the happy homecoming action. We end up in a
little huddle, arms around each other's shoulders. Like, you know what a
huddle looks like. Don't know why I explained that.  Anyway. There's a
solid and massively comforting feeling of unity among us. So good to be
home.

Right away after the mini love fest breaks up, the three of us drag Celery
downstairs (not that he took much convincing) and we all have one major one
with the whole family. Celery pays a lot of attention to the twins and Kara
and they soak it up like the little love sponges that they are. He shares a
couple smiles with my mom and dad too that seem a little special and
secret, but I figure either way smiling is good, so what's it to me.

Later, when he kisses me, says he'll see me in a few minutes, and then goes
away with my parents, I start to mind a little. Mostly I'm just insanely
curious, but also, I have to admit, slightly peeved.  I wasn't planning on
spending even a second away from him the whole two weeks, never mind
already on the first day. I pout in a very obvious and childish fashion in
the presence of Jonas and Kyle, but they wisely choose not to comment.

The 'few minutes' is actually almost 20. What's almost 20? Well it's 17
minutes and some seconds. I can't be exact. It's not like I have a
stopwatch or anything. I'm pretty anal, but give me some credit.

"Sorry about that," he says, sitting back down. We're all in the living
room.

"What's going on?" I say, real pouty. He puts his arm around me, and I feel
a bit better, but I still want to know. I make that message pretty clear.

"It's nothing, I just, you know, wanted to thank them for sending me the
ticket and letting me come here and all that stuff. Not because I feel like
I OWE them anything - don't get pissed off - just because I love them and
wanted them to know that." Suddenly, I'm not upset at all. I'm just stuck
thinking how wonderful he is like basically all other times.

"You're giving me a toothache," I say, shaking my head. It's a Clueless
thing, but it's also a serious, you're too fucking sweet for words
thing. He gets it on both levels.

"It's nice to see you guys are as truly disgusting as ever," Kyle says, all
sincerity and smiles.

"Sweet of you to say, Kyle."

"He's a sweet guy. Not toothache sweet, you understand - but pretty sweet,"
I roll my eyes at Jonas.

"You're like the funniest guy I've ever met."

"Thank-you for the compliment."

"I can't imagine you get paid them very often."

"Asshole," Jonas says, swatting me with a laugh.

Celery grins.

"This is so great!"

"What is?" I say, smiling but kind of confused.

"Oh just, like the way everything is normal and cool between all of us. I
keep thinking one of the times I come back here, things are suddenly going
to be awkward, like we've all grown apart, and it just really makes me
happy that that isn't true," my throat's gone all tight, and if I'm not
careful, I'm going to start to cry right away.

"You really think that?" It's the only thing I can get out.

"Well, in a way I do. But, not about us. You and me," he nods sadly at
Jonas and Kyle. "Just like the four of us - sorry, guys, I know that's not
a very fair thing to think," Jonas and Kyle both seem upset, but also like
they understand.

"Its not like we don't feel the same sometimes, man, just don't go
believing it too much. We're always going to be brothers," Jonas makes a
face.

"So much incest going around," we all laugh.

"Too gross, man," I say, frowning a smile. You really can do that if you
work it just right.

"I want to hear all about that though," Celery says, seriously.  "Like,
I've gotten most of the details, but let's hear some dirt eh?" Jonas
laughs, and Kyle groans. Actually, they both sort of laugh and groan at the
same time.

"That's going to take awhile, and I suggest a change of scene, who wants to
go out?" I shrug.

"I don't care, as long as I'm with you guys," Celery says with a shrug of
his own, "but where would we go?"

"Well, like, nowhere special, Dairy Queen or something."

"It's fucking December, man," Kyle rolls his eyes.

"So we go for the hot eats then! Never mind the cool treats."

"Plus."

"Celery, I swear if a bad pun about queens is coming I'm gonna kick your
ass," I cut him off. He grins, and I just have to kiss him.  It feels so
good that it gets a little out of hand, but Jonas breaks us up and we all
agree that Dairy Queen it is.

It's not much of a walk, but it's freaking freezing and sort of late, so no
one even suggests not taking the Le Baron. When we get there, it's not even
remotely busy ('cause it's so close to Christmas and all, I guess) and we
grab a booth after ordering.

Shakes all around (so much for the hot eats) and we do the major bonding
thing. It's great hearing Jonas and Kyle talk about their relationship even
though I already knew most of it, and you can tell they get a total kick
out of telling it. The insults and sarcasms are thick, but the affection is
thicker. There's no doubt in my mind that those two love each other.

"You really made out in the middle of Staples?" Celery asks, laughing,
referring to a story he's just been told about the afternoon when they did
just that. What else can you expect from two people who've been dating the
opposite sex their whole lives? No shame whatsover. Great huh?

"Yeah, we didn't think about it," Jonas admits, smiling guiltily.  "I just
really wanted to be kissing him and it was like, it never occurred to me
that I shouldn't. I guess Staples isn't the classiest love nest in the
world, but it was funny anyway. Plus, we weren't like frenching or
something, it wasn't THAT bad," Kyle smiles, obviously remembering the
event with fondness.

"The funniest thing was that I only did it 'cause this really hot girl was
checking him out, and then Jonas got really into it," Jonas kicks him under
the table.

"You're such a bastard, Kyle." Kyle grins.

"I know." They smile. They're always doing that shit.

"You guys are hilarious," Celery remarks, grinning also.

"We do it because we care!" They say together. This Hour 22 minutes.  Funny
show. You should watch. It was better when Rick Mercer was on
though. Sorry, Collin. Go back to Whose Line.

"Anyway, you know you like it."

"Because you gotta!" he says, still smiling. Also 22 minutes. "And I was
serious. It's tons of fun watching you - you act exactly like I figured you
would."

"Dreaming about us, eh?" Celery just rolls his eyes and I shudder.

"That was WAY too gross, Jonas."

"I'm just warming up too," Kyle starts getting up.

"You do that, and I'll go to the bathroom."

"Kay." They squeeze fingers before Kyle walks away, and Jonas watches him
until he the door closes with Kyle on the other side of it.  He turns back
to us, a happy smile on his face.

"It's fucking ridiculous how much I'm in love with him," Celery and I look
at each other, and do the beam thing. Happy for them, for ourselves, happy
about life in general.

"It shows, and he feels the same. It's all pretty awesome," Celery
says. Jonas nods.

"Especially with you here," Celery is clearly touched.

"Thanks, man," Jonas scoffs.

"Like you need to thank me for being honest. This one wasn't the only one
who missed you like crazy," he says, thumbing to me and shaking his
head. Celery looks down at his drink and smiles almost shyly. Jonas
chuckles.

"You're adorable, man."

"Carrots Vasskez!" comes a rather high pitched near shriek from out of
nowhere. I turn, and see Julie Brown quickly approaching. I do a double
take.

Julie fucking Brown. Kyle's most serious and long term girlfriend.  They
were together off and on the last two years of high school, and into the
beginning of University. They'd split up for a month or two, and sometimes
start seeing other people, but they always seemed to find their way back to
each other. Everyone thought they were eventually going to settle down for
good and get married. Including (I think) both Kyle and Julie
themselves. But then suddenly, two months into the year, everything fell
apart. Big time apart. Permanent apart. By the New Year, they were hardly
speaking. Even during their worst separations before, they always kept in
touch. It was after the break-up that Kyle first stopped going to college
type party stuff. Then a few months later Celery and I finally got
together, not long after that Jonas showed up, and Kyle hasn't shown the
slightest interest in that whole scene since.

"Hey Julie," I say, not knowing what else. Celery is sitting up straighter,
keeping his arm around my shoulders, but tensed. Jonas is the only calm one
of us. But, that's only 'cause he doesn't know who she is yet. I seriously
hope and pray that Kyle will take a really long time in the bathroom and
she'll just leave, not even knowing he's here.

"Where on earth have you been hiding him, Carrots!" she demands, but with a
smile.

To be honest, I kind of like Julie. I really like her in fact. She was
always a pretty cool girl in my opinion. Kyle really loved her too, or you
know, I thought he did. I still do really. He's just not in love with her
anymore, if he ever truly was.

"Hiding who?" I know, stalling - especially like that - is kind of lame,
but I'm still hoping to get Jonas out of this one blissfully unaware. He's
still got the whole jealously, cynical, trust issues problem, and meeting
Kyle's super long-term girlfriend probably isn't his idea of a dream
evening.

"You're as witty and clever as ever," she says, shaking her head.  You see,
she's cool. She's kind of like a female Kyle, except, not such a
bastard. "I ask because I care, no one's seen him in ages."  Just to read
that, or if it was someone else, you'd think 'what a bitch' but the way
Julie says it, both kidding and also genuinely concerned about someone she
obviously still cares about, you can't mind.

"I've seen him," I say, still being mister coy.

"Well done, but he lives at your house, so I must admit, I'm not too
impressed. Really, has he been all right? He's been going to his classes, I
know that, it's just... he hasn't seemed very I don't know, grounded,
lately. It's been going on for months, it's like when he's in a room, you
get the impression his mind is always elsewhere," I glance over at Celery,
starting to get panicky. I'm supposed to answer her how?

"So you're a friend of Kyle's?" Jonas asks innocently enough. She smiles,
noticing him for the first time.

"Yeah, sorry I didn't introduce myself, like how rude can you be! I'm
Julie."

"Jonas," they shake.

"Do you know Kyle?" Jonas blushes. Man. That kid blushes over everything.

"Uh-huh."

"But, you're a friend of Carrots, right?" He nods.

"And Celery, we all hang out," she lights up, and then glares playfully at
me.

"Don't tell me he's here!" She gives me a mostly teasing slap on the
chest. I shrug.

"Not right here," Just then I see Kyle coming out of the bathroom.  My eyes
focus in on him, and apparently noticing, Julie turns.

"Well, well, well," she says shaking her head. Poor Kyle's practically
stricken.

"Uh, hey Julie,"

"This is where you've been hiding? Fast food joints with your little
brother and his friends?" Jonas starts to glare at her, ears going a little
pink. I quickly reach over and rub his arm, reassuring.  He continues
watching the exchange with suspicious interest.

"Who's been hiding? I've been around."

"No you haven't, you big liar. You haven't been to a party in months!  The
last one was before Halloween and before THAT it was like nothing for
MONTHS!" He shrugs.

"I've been doing other stuff - did you meet Jonas?" Man. Like, smooth.
I've been doing other stuff – and other people! For example...

"Yeah," she smiles at him. Jonas that is. "Like most of us, he seems too
cool to actually be subjected to your company, let alone spend time
willingly."

"Well, say what you want. He's actually a really good friend," I can tell
Kyle's trying, wanting to be able to say exactly what Jonas is to him, for
both of them I know he wants to do this, but so far, it's no good.

She shrugs. I'm guessing Jonas isn't really who she wants to be talking
about.

"I'm sure, but listen, you've got to start getting out more! How about the
New Year's Party at Mike's house? It's going to be the party of the
season!" She's half kidding around, not really a person known for caring
about stuff like what the party of the season is, just really trying to get
Kyle to hang out with her.

"No thanks, I've got like, other plans."

"Other New Year's Eve plans?" she asks, sort of suave sneaky, and a bit of
teasing. I think mostly she's just trying to be a friend.

"Yeah," he's looking as far away from Jonas as possible.

"It'll be the first New Year's we haven't kissed since I was 14."

"I know," Kyle says softly, not doing anything about the hand she' s
suddenly got resting on the base of his neck.

They were friends even before they started dating, and the kissing at New
Year's is sort of a freaky tradition they have. Though I don't really think
that would be of any comfort to Jonas.

"Fuck," he whispers so quietly only Celery and I hear him, and barely.
Kyle definitely didn't, but he's looking pretty awful just the same.  He's
finally backed away from her hand.

"Yeah um, that's sort of like..." Julie smiles through his stammering.

"Ancient history, I know. Something you've made abundantly clear believe
me. But I'd still like to meet the new girl in your life.  We are friends,
you know – I care. Besides, she may not be worthy, and then I'll just
have to steal you away again." She reaches out to brush at his hair and
that's about enough for Jonas. He gets up, gives them both the death glare,
and bolts from the restaurant.

Kyle hesitates for a split second, and then races after him.

---

Edited by Ed