Date: Fri, 06 Jun 2003 16:35:17 -0500 From: Karla Schulz Subject: Carrots and Celery Part Two chapter 15 Jonas must not have slept over, 'cause Kyle is alone in the kitchen the next morning, eating cereal. "Morning, bro." "Hey, Kyle." "Less with the tired now?" I smile. "Yeah, I'm better." "Good to know," I get my breakfast, and we don't talk much for awhile. When Jonas shows up a little later, I almost don't recognize him. No contacts for one, and man was I ever right about his eyes being beautiful. Better than that even. I was even more right about his hair. I'm not even sure if I can describe it. It's like, sand. Not the white kind, the really glittery, slightly washed out, sun-baked kind. I won't even insult the colour it is by calling it brown. It's so much more than that. Like really dark honey almost. What the hell was he doing with that bleach crap anyway? He's done something different with his clothes too. It's nothing big, he just lost some of the bulk. A long sleeved cranberry T-shirt instead of a hoody, jeans instead of the boxy cargos. A silver chain hangs from his neck. "Hey, you guys," Jonas says, smiling nervously under our scrutiny. If you think I sounded impressed, you should see the look on Kyle's face. "Jeezus," Kyle says softly. Jonas blushes and tries to hide his face. "You look amazing." "I just took the bleach out, and no contacts. You know, trying the O'natural look for awhile," Kyle's still a bit tongue-tied. He's swallowed like three times trying get some kind of talk out of his mouth. "It's definitely the look for you," I say, helping him out. Kyle just nods repeatedly. I'd laugh, but I don't want to spoil this for them. They need these kinds of moments if they're ever going to move past the occasional hug and snuck touch. "Well, thanks, I guess." "You're gonna have to get better at taking compliments if you're going to keep running around like that, man," I tell him seriously. Jonas doesn't seem too thrilled about the idea. He looks to Kyle for guidance. "I already said you look amazing," Kyle says with a shrug. Jonas looks down himself, clearly not seeing what we're seeing. "I don't really look that different," Kyle huffs a bit. "Which would be part of the point. You ALWAYS look great, this is just a little extra great," Jonas frowns. "I'm just normal looking," Kyle and I snort at the same time. "As the gayest one here, I'd like to state for the record that's like the most bogus thing I've ever heard. Take it from someone who knows - you're very hot." Jonas blushes and looks upset. "It's not like that's a bad thing, Jonas," Kyle says gently. "I know, it's just, I'm not used to..." Kyle walks over and puts his hands on Jonas's shoulders. "Don't worry about it too much, like, the ugliness that is Carrots will repel most of the attention anyway. You should be safe," sensitive bastard. But I'll let him get away with it 'cause of the smile he got out of Jonas. "That's a relief." They grin and I glare. It's a fun time all around. The fun pretty much continues until we have to leave for school. A second before we're out the door Kyle catches his hand and pulls Jonas towards him. "Hey, Jonas, wait," he says as he does. Jonas smiles and allows himself to be drawn into a hug. "I love Jonas," Kyle whispers into his ear. "I love you too, Kyle," Jonas replies simply, warmly. Trembling slightly, Kyle's hand reaches over to touch Jonas's face. They both (probably unconsciously) lean in, and suddenly they're kissing each other. You never saw anything as beautiful as that kiss. So much love, trust, and affection goes into it. It's a truly pure moment. Before it can go from pure to like, porn, they break the kiss and after a few seconds, I lead Jonas out the door. He practically floats to school. I actually check a few times to make sure his feet are still on the ground. Who knew Kyle had it in him? I take Jonas home for lunch. I doubt he would have made it through the afternoon otherwise. Luckily, Kyle's there as well. I glare at him right away, picking up from the last time we saw him as if it was only a minute, not hours, ago. "Thanks a lot, Kyle, turn him into a blithering idiot all day and leave me with the mess," Kyle just grins, totally unapologetic. If he was talking, Jonas would probably be babbling stupidly. Kyle must rock at kissing. But I really don't want to be thinking about that so, ewww! "You know you love it," so many of the old hits. It's payback all over the world. I got a taste of being Kyle about the advice, and now it's with the dealing. I mean, I do love it, just, you know, it's the principle of the thing (bells should be ringing here, people!). It's still weird to have our roles so totally reversed though. "Whatever," Kyle laughs, and then turns his attention to Jonas. "Hey," big with the shift in attitude. Brazen and bad ass to sweet and loving. I'm a fan of the change. So's Jonas. "Hey," they start walking towards each other, little smiles on their faces. Jonas leans in like he's gonna whisper something in Kyle's ear, and then he just blurts, "Wanna like go have sex?" Jeez! Kyle and me both go totally red, and Jonas cracks up. "You guys make it too easy." "You're dead, Wepeel," I say menacingly. "Not funny, Jonas." "I actually think it was EXTREMELY funny - you should have seen yourselves. Especially you, Kyle. All horrified. Like I was going to force myself on you right here," Kyle's down to minor blushing now, and I'm feeling my bodily functions coming back. "Love's not doing much for him either," I say sort of privately to Kyle. He nods. "And in this case, it's really a shame." "You're both assholes. Now come here and give me a kiss, Kyle," Kyle's mood takes another dramatic shift, and he's quick to oblige. It's their second (non-drunk, non-making fun of me) kiss, but it could just have easily been their first. It has the same, shy, tender newness. Not awkward, just something that's clearly very different and unique for them. It's a newness they're obviously treasuring and that I hope can last for them for awhile. The afternoon is easier. I guess Jonas got his Kyle fix at lunch or whatever. I mean, there were still moony off into space staring episodes, and on more than one occasion he got called on in class when he probably wasn't even sure which one he was in, but better than the morning. I shudder to think what he would have been like if we hadn't gone home. Easier yet is the walk home. The problem was keeping Jonas from bolting before the bell rang. We walk just slow enough for it not to be classified as running all the way home. Tragically, Kyle's not even there. Jonas goes into instant pout. This lasts about 15 minutes before he shakes his head and goes, "What the hell is wrong with me?" That's the Jonas I know and love. I laugh. "It's called being in love, dude," he wrinkles his brow. "It kinda sucks, eh?" I laugh again. "Sort of, yep," he smiles. "In the really good way." "I really hope you're not talking about what my depraved brain thinks you're talking about," Jonas freezes for a second, stupefied in horror. "DUDE!" I laugh triumphantly. "That was for lunch, asshole," Jonas shakes his head. "It's on veggie." "Honey - I'm home!" Jonas snaps to attention. So much for that. "Kyle!" Kyle smiles. "That's my name, feel free to wear it out," Jonas gets up and they pause, still with the new and shy, but then hug. I smile, but it hurts a bit. What can I say? I'm jealous. And I miss Celery. But I'm still smiling, so don't get all upset. "So what did I miss?" Kyle asks, as both he and Jonas sit down. "Nothing," Jonas says quickly. I smirk. Kyle's curiosity is piqued. "Something good?" I grin. "Tell him and die, Carrots," Jonas threatens. I tell Kyle anyway. He laughs, and I survive. "You totally deserved it," he informs Jonas without sympathy. "I' m just sorry I missed it," he sighs. "It was a thing of beauty." "New topic," I've got one, so, okay. "Well actually, there is some stuff we need to talk about. Or like, stuff you guys need to think about, anyway," "Like?" Kyle asks. "Like, Kara and the twins - you guys going to tell them? I mean, it's not something you're going to want to be hiding all the time, right?" "Sure we'll tell them. Not like it's going to bother them." "I don't know. I think the twins might freak a little." "Why?" "Yeah," Jonas continues in the same slightly abrasive tone. "They handle you and Celery fine," points for not using past tense, Jonas. "It's like, a pattern though, if more than one of us is doing it. I'm just afraid they're going to think it like runs in the family or something." "That would be bullshit, of course." "I know that! I'm just like worried that since they're still pretty young or whatever, David and Jon might not feel the same," with the help of Jonas stroking his hand, Kyle calms down a bit and actually takes a second to think about what I was saying. "Maybe so, but we'll talk to them. Explain it doesn't work like that and everything. They're not stupid, and Mom's been insane about teaching them about gay people, so it shouldn't be too hard." "That's probably true," I say, nodding. "What about Kara?" Jonas reminds us. "I don't think it'll matter any to her," I voice my opinion. "Yeah, Kara'll be cool. She's so young still, she doesn't care about stuff like that yet. The fact that anybody is in love on the other hand - that's always cause for celebration in her books," Kyle concludes. "So we're good then? Out we go?" "Guess," Kyle seems suddenly less sure of himself. "No matter what, they're not going to think less of you," I assure him gently. He smiles. "Yeah, I hope not," Jonas is starting to look upset. "What's there to think less of you about? I'm something to be ashamed of?" Surprise and panic hit Kyle hard and fast. "What?! No, of course not!" Jonas smoulders for a second more, and then softens. "Alright, I mean, like whatever." "Jonas," Kyle pleads softly. "It's fine, Kyle," Jonas says, mostly normally. Kyle looks at me, and I shrug. I don't know what the hell is going on. " 'Cause, you know I didn't mean it like that," Jonas nods tersely. "Yeah, I know. Just forget about it." "I don't-" "Kyle. It's fine. I'm fine. Let's drop it," Kyle nods, and we try to get back to work, but things remain strained and uncomfortable. The real blow comes when Jonas gets up to leave after he's finished his homework. He never leaves anymore. Dinner with us happens at least twice a week, and always on Mondays 'cause his parents have dinner with friends every Monday night. Kyle's lost, trying to think of what do to. "I've got to go home," Jonas says, like he can't think of anything else, shrugging pathetically. This is so bad on so many levels. "Why?" You wouldn't think a voice could crack so much on just one little word. "I just gotta," Jonas says, not even looking at Kyle anymore. Kyle looks for a second like he's going to go over to Jonas and do something, but instead he closes his eyes for a really long time and then turns to start walking up the stairs. "Okay. Whatever you need." They both hesitate, but neither looks back. Jonas is out the door and Kyle's up the stairs and I'm left standing at the foot of the stairs right by the door, no idea what to do. Who to go after. I decide on Jonas. I know where Kyle is, better to get to the one on the move. I guess he ran or something, 'cause Jonas is already way down the street once I'm out on the sidewalk. And like, I didn' t even put my shoes on. My feet are going to freeze, but that's really not the most important thing right now. I sprint a little, and catch up with Jonas. We start walking side by side but he's all acting like I'm not there. "Jonas," he doesn't look at me. "Jonas," I repeat more fiercely. "What?" he snaps finally. "What's wrong?" "Nothing." "You lie as well as you take compliments, Jonas," and as one hopes you recall, he's crap at that. "I'm fine." "Sure you are. Just like you told Kyle I don't know how many times." "I meant it then and I mean it now." "And I said you're a crappy liar. I meant it then and I certainly mean it now. Stop walking," I grab hold of him and force him to. "Stop lying," I look directly into his avoiding eyes. "And tell me what's going on," he holds strong for a minute, two, three and just when I'm about to lose MY resolve, Jonas wavers. The wavering continues until he finally cracks. He slumps down against a nearby tree. Man, I'm starting to hate elm trees. "He could crush me in a second, Carrots," he whispers, eyes troubled, face contorted. "In a few words he could totally destroy me. I love him SO much and I don't know if I can handle that. Feeling this way, being so... vulnerable all the time. I can't..." his breath grows ragged. "I told you once I don't understand how you and Celery just trusted each other so completely and seemingly so effortlessly. I didn't get it then, and now, suddenly, when I'm supposed to be feeling it, I still don't get it. I thought, it'll just fall into place. When you fall in love like that, then you' ll understand. But I don't. I LOVE Kyle. I believe he loves me, but, it isn't changing how I feel. I don't know how you guys do it," he's in actual anguish here. And I still have NO idea what to do. "I don't know how we do it either - we just... do it. A lot of it, I guess, comes from the fact that we've been practising pretty much all our lives. It was strange at first, and it took awhile, but loving each other has come pretty naturally to us. The open, acknowledging part, I mean. I can't tell you how to act or what you should be feeling. You have to decide for yourselves how to make things work. I can tell you one thing though, Jonas, and I hope you'll take it to heart - you and Kyle aren't me and Celery. You're not supposed to or even expected to have a relationship like ours. I don't mean you can' t love him as much, but it doesn't have to be the same. There are a lot of different kinds of love, and ways of showing it. It's not `be exactly like Carrots and Celery or fail as a couple'. Don't measure what you and Kyle have against how things are for me and Celery. You can't find happiness by being just like us, you have to find your own way." "And if we can't?" "I believe you will." "What if I don't?" "Jonas, where is this coming from? You've been so happy, I SAW it in you, you've been so filled up with joy since Saturday. What's changed?" "I guess it's just been the euphoria wearing off and the cynical pessimist side of me coming back." "What's up with that side anyway? For most of the time I've known you, you've been like the most centred, at peace person I know," Jonas laughs sort of harshly. "Well, being at peace with your personal situation doesn't always mean you're doing cartwheels about it. I wasn't the happiest person alive, but I was content with my situation - more than content after I got close with you guys and met Kyle. I guess I just liked things the way they were. Everything was so comfortable and familiar. I knew there were places I could still go, heights I hadn't reached, but I also knew the risks. I was content to leave the higher heights to the realm of dreams and enjoy what I had. Now everything's changing again and I'm afraid the risks are going to come crashing down around me. You think you know what it's like to have fears that are just in your head eat you alive, Carrots - but you have no idea. You' ve never been this close. I really might lose Kyle because of what I'm feeling. I'm so afraid I'm really not sure what I'm going to do - if I'll be able to go to him and talk and work things out." What do you say to that? This is so beyond me, it's the farthest thing from funny. "Get up, Jonas," whoa. Didn't see that coming. "Kyle?" Jonas' head snaps up and he blinks a few times, not really believing what he's seeing. "I'll spare you the crack about no - it's your fairy godmother. Just get up." Almost like he's just too confused to do anything else but meekly follow orders, Jonas does as Kyle commanded. "What are you doing here?" Kyle makes a growling sound deep in his throat. "What do you THINK I'm doing here. I'm in love with you, and right now you're being an idiot. There's really no other way to put it. I know that you're going through something right now, and that things are scary and confusing, but you need to talk to ME about it. I mean, you need to get over it, but first, we need to talk about it. No offence, Carrots, you know I love you to death, but this is just not your field. This is something you can't help much more with. Thanks for going after Jonas, I needed those minutes to get my own head back on my shoulders, but I have to take it from here." I smile. "Kay, good." He goes back to looking at Jonas. "Take this step with me, okay, Jonas? Trust me enough to go back to the house with me, let me show you that it's okay. I love you - you said you believed that - well, put that belief into action. Please," Jonas takes the extended hand, and Kyle begins leading him back to the house. Many paces behind, I follow, once again, in awe of my brother. But not the surprised kind. More like the `he's done it again' kind. What you've just witnessed is a classic example of Kyle at work. I know because of the countless times it's been me at the receiving end of Kyle's personal version of tender loving care. With Celery, things are pretty mellow. He'll talk you down slowly from a freak-out, with patience and calm, until you're ready to climb back down to happiness and sanity on your own. Kyle's style is more grabbing you by the neck, yanking you down and leaving the calm, talking things out part until later. It's a bit painful sometimes, or at least hard to get used to - but there's no denying it's effective. They don't come down for dinner, or at any other point in the evening, but in the morning, when Jonas comes walking down the stairs behind Kyle, he's like, well, butter. There's a blissful, dreamy look on his face far surpassing anything that came before it, and I think it's safe to say he's reached a whole new level of being at peace. While Jonas calls his parents to reassure them he really was just over at our house, I walk up to Kyle and just go, "What did you DO?" Kyle laughs. "Nothing," I roll my eyes and give him a very dry, 'yeah right' look. "I swear. We just talked and talked and it was really nice and comforting." "You talked?" "We talked," he smiles. "What did you say?" "Come on, bro, that's like confidential or whatever. But he's better, and I'm better because of it. Things were happening a little too fast, I think, and it left a lot of room for doubt and worry. We had to take care of that, and last night, we did." Fully convinced, I grin. "That's great, man." "I'm happy to see you approve." "Approve of what?" What?! They're never up this early. "Hey guys," I say, hoping it'll give Kyle enough time to get his heart out of his throat. "Nice stalling," Jon says dismissively. "Approve of what?" "Uh," Kyle says brilliantly. "Er," I keep up the level of excellence. "Out with it," Dave prods impatiently. "It's something I need to talk to you guys about, but I want to wait until Jonas gets back, okay?" Kyle asks. They shrug. We all head to the kitchen, and it doesn't take long for Jonas to wrap his call up. He rolls his eyes outrageously and mutters, "parents." Crazy ones at that. Every kid in this room knows what that's about. "So, what's up?" I wonder, are all 14-year-olds this blunt? "Something's up?" Jonas asks, innocent 'cause he doesn't know what' s about to be discussed. Kyle raises his eyebrows and Jonas quickly gets the message. "Oh, right." Kyle gets right to the point. "Guys, don't be worried or anything, and hopefully you can just be happy for us, but Jonas and I are a couple," "Of idiots," Dave says, shaking his head. "We already knew about that." "What?" Kyle half gasps. Jon rolls his eyes, and Dave huffs. "Like, please. For one thing, we do spend SOME time at home. We see the way you look at each other - all moony or whatever, and anyway, we heard you guys talking and stuff last night," Jonas does a nice impression of a fire engine at `and stuff' and Kyle chokes back another gasp. "What were you doing - listening at the door?" I ask, not understanding how they could have heard anything from their room way down at the other end of the hall. My room's closer and I didn't hear a thing. No talking and definitely no `stuff'. They grin. "Dudes, not really?!" Jonas is comically (to all those not him anyway) horrified. They shrug. "We were just passing by, wondering how come you didn't show up for dinner, and like, heard stuff," Jon explains. "What kind of stuff?" Kyle asks nervously. They get disgusted looks on their faces. "Eww! Gross, not THAT kind of stuff. Just like you guys saying ` I love you' and maybe like kissing," Dave's still crunching his face in distaste. I'm pretty grossed myself. Nobody wants to think about that kind of thing when it comes to their brother. I don't care who you are. That's just plain gross. "Well, just, don't do that anymore, alright?" Kyle asks, still clearly uncomfortable with the whole thing. Make that Kyle and everyone else. Actually, the twins seem to be the only ones handling this well. "We promise." "Yeah, like what do you think we are anyway? Pervs or something?" "No, just don't do it." Kyle takes a minute to regroup. "Did you say you knew and are okay with it?" "Duh. We don't care about that kind of thing. The fact that we're cool with Carrots was sort of like a clue, you know?" Kyle smiles. They're certainly growing up to be little smart asses just like their big brothers. I wonder if Kara's going to be this lippy. "You never know about stuff like that. Anyway, I'm glad everything's cool," they nod. "But confidentially," Jon whispers to Jonas, "We think YOU could do a LOT better," Jonas laughs, but then grows serious. Looking at Kyle thoughtfully, stroking his chin. "You know, I really could," Everyone (naturally not including Kyle) busts. "Hey! You're not allowed to make fun of me anymore!" he protests. "EXCUSE me?" Jonas scoffs. "I'm allowed to make even MORE fun of you now." "Yeah, sorry, Kyle. That's how it works," I say nodding in agreement. >From there, it's pretty much all with the fun. Breakfast type foods get consumed, jokes, insults, and all that other good stuff get exchanged, and eventually I trick Jonas into leaving the house and we get to school. That afternoon, Jonas is kinda bummed 'cause there's no Kyle expected, but then he shows up anyway - late - but as the two people at the back who were paying attention will know - we weren't sure he was going to come at all, so no one's mad. It always warms my heart to see how happy Jonas gets whenever Kyle walks into a room, which he does a stellar example of this time. The only problem is, it also tends to hurt a little, too much of a reminder of Celery. Kyle's not much like Celery however, and he usually manages to break the mood. I think he learned that from Jonas. Moment breaking. That time is no different. "Helllloooo lunch." Told ya. Jonas blushes crimson and I just snort. Once he's recovered, Jonas gives Kyle the finger. His response was to snuggle down beside him and make sad little puppy dog noises until Jonas finally can't take it anymore and bursts out laughing. It's in that moment I realize something very important. They're going to be even more impossible REALLY going out and loving each other than they ever were when they were only joking around. Lucky me. --- Edited by Ed.