Date: Mon, 10 Mar 2003 20:17:22 -0600 From: Karla Schulz Subject: Carrots and Celery chapter 14 It's another chapter of Carrots and Celery. No. Please. Hold your applause until after the chapter has finished. Okay. Just a little clapping is alright I guess. And sure, I suppose a standing ovation isn't totally uncalled for. Yeah okay, you can read the chapter now. Go on. Kyle goes home with us after the party, and drives, but me and Cel are too tired to really take advantage of the backseat-ness, so we just end up cuddling and dozing all the ride home. As we're pulling up to the driveway, I wonder aloud, "Uh, shouldn't we be taking Jonas home?" "It's pretty late, if it's okay, I thinking I'm just going to crash here. Kyle?" "My couch is yours." Kyle says, smiling. I'm too tired to wonder if this is strange or suspicious or whatever, and I let Celery help me out of the car and up to my room. "Good night," He mumble-whispers before we fall simultaneously into bed. "Nite," I say as my head hits the pillow. In the morning, I wake up with a headache. "Ug, I feel like I have a hangover but all I drank was water," I complain to Celery, cradling my head. "I know, me too. But how would you know what it feels like to have a hangover, you've never had one in your life," I shrug. "I've heard things." He laughs, quietly. "Yeah, that's the same thing." "Don't be so mean to me. I'm in pain." "So am I." The Sunday ness of the day is beginning to dawn on me. "Are we late yet?" He rolls over to check. "It's 9, so not really." "Nine eh? That means we can't go BACK to sleep though, doesn't it?" He nods. Waaa. "But we didn't get home until like 3!" "I'm aware of that." We share commiserating looks for a minute or two, and then drag each other out of bed. "Screw clothes," Celery says. "Let's go in our pyjamas," That's allowed, but not something we do much. "Jonas will probably be there," I say as I remember. He shrugs. "So? It's Jonas," I nod. "Okay. Let's go." Sure enough, barely seconds after we've arrived at the table, Jonas shows up, wearing Kyle's extra pj's. Kyle's right behind him. I watch my parents reaction with great interest. Mom's eyes are seriously wide, and dad's blinking way more than can be considered normal. "Jonas," Mom says, confused more than anything. He grins. "Hey, sorry to just show up at the table unexpected, but I slept over last night. Is that okay?" Kyle winks at me. What are they up to? "It's fine dear. Where did you sleep?" She's asking out of curiosity and concern, probably thinking there wouldn't have been anywhere comfortable. "He stayed with me," Kyle answers for Jonas. Mom's confused again. "Did you say you slept with Kyle last night?" A weird and heavy silence ensues. "At Kyle's - on the couch," Jonas adds after seemed like a really long time. "Cause of the party," Kyle finishes. The effect is immediate. Understanding hits, and both parents let out a breath. Kyle smirks. "Where do you think he was sleeping?" The twins snicker. "We didn't think anything," Mom insists. "That's was why we asked. We were confused." "Okay. Well, confusion over. Jonas bro, lets eat." They sit down, and promptly tuck in. Celery and I can't stop glancing at each other and raising our eyebrows for the rest of brunch. "What the hell was that all about?" I demand once we're all up in Kyle's master bachelor pad (the last refuge for those seeking privacy and silence on a Sunday). They shrug. "What ever are you taking about?" Kyle asks, innocent as a baby lamb. Jonas is smiling sweetly. "Strolling into brunch wearing matching pyjamas and leaving mom and dad hanging like that. What was the point?" "The point was that there wasn't one. We never lied, or misled anyone. We were totally up front. He stayed over cause of the party, plain and simple." "You know full well the way you acted left plenty of room for interpretation. As if you didn't plan it that way." "Care, there was no plan. We showed up, saw the looks on mom and dads faces, and just sort of went from there." "But why?" "To help them grow as parents and human beings," He's only half kidding. What the heck is he talking about? "What?" "Look, they're totally great about you and Celery - excellent. That's as is should be. But there IS still a possibility there's more than one gay kid in the family. I'm not saying I know this for a fact or even that I have suspicions, I'm just saying it's possible. Today when I saw their reaction, I figured it was a good opportunity to introduce the idea to them. I guess I was just doing little potential trail blazing, just in case such a trail needs blazing. Look, I know mom and dad, and I know what went on in their heads, what's probably going on in them right now. First they were really surprised, and then I think, despite themselves a little disappointed or upset, like they failed somehow maybe, even though in their hearts they know that's bullshit. It's just the natural parental reaction kicking in momentarily I guess. The thing is, now, even though we've explained and understanding achieved - they're probably still thinking about it, or talking to each other about it even. I bet you anything they're helping each other reach a place where they're okay with the possibility. I saw the opportunity to take them there, that's the why I did it." "What about you?" I ask Jonas. "I saw where Kyle was going in his head, I didn't exactly know why, but I figured he knew what he was doing." They smile at each other. Those two definitely have a bond. "It's just, mom and dad HAVE been really great, I don't know if it's fair to test them like that." "Testing had nothing to do with it, I know they'll be cool with it, weren't you listening? I just thought, hey, make them cool with it now, not after it happens - if it ever does. Like, if say Kara is a lesbian, and she comes out to them. Sure, they'd come around, but why not have them already around? That way no ones hanging in the wind, in pain during their `getting used to it' time." Never in my wildest dreams, did I ever think Kyle could come up with something like that. That's a deepness I did not know he possessed. "Okay. I mean, I get it now. Sorry for getting kind of weird, but well, it was just weird." "This is something you might want to try to get used to yourself huh?" Kyle points out knowingly. I look at Celery. He's just been taking the whole scene in, calmly and quietly from the sidelines. I bet he figured Kyle out even before brunch was over. Ever the watcher, the listener. He smiles, already down with it. I sigh. "So this is just me then?" He shrug is `well yeah', but his continuing smile softens the blow. "I'm having absolutely no trouble getting my freak-out groove back." Kyle pats my back. When did he become so big on doing that to people? "Don't worry, it was a strictly spur of the moment type thing. Not something you have to start worrying about yet, or about us." "I don't know about that," Jonas says, running his finger along Kyle's cheek, smiling seductively. Kyle leans into it, closing his eyes, and just a split second before my head explodes, they both start laughing. I'm too stunned, horrified and relieved to give them what they so richly deserve (their asses, getting kicked, have you no brain?) but I do make angry gurgly noises and give them the evil eye. Celery didn't join in on the laughing, but he obviously wasn't as gullible as I. I'll have my revenge on all of them, oh yes, revenge will be mine. By Tuesday morning, it's all forgotten (including my plans for revenge) until Jonas arrives (like he sometimes does in the mornings) and sits down on Kyle's lap. That not would be customary behavior, in case you were wondering. "Not funny," I say through my teeth. But, you know, going by the fact that they're laughing their asses off, I'm getting the feeling Jonas and Kyle don't agree with me. Even Celery is doing the silent laughter thing. Dirty traitor. "You all suck." Celery leans over to kiss me, and Jonas gets off Kyle's lap. "Feel better?" I crunch up my face like a big baby, but then relent. "A little. Just don't do that anymore. It freaks me out." They smile. "Oh we'll do it again veggie, just be ready for it next time. Like, I'm not going to spell it out for you, but if you want us to stop you know what you've got to do. If you're going to have any hope of ending the love fest you can't keep reacting like that. It's way too much fun to watch," They have me there. In this life, with these people, the only way to get what you want is to give back worse than you're being dished out. It's a strictly fight fire with fire job. Let the plotting begin. I look at Celery, he gives me the old indulgent smile. "Yes, I'll help you." Suddenly we all grin at each other. Can't help it. We've got a new toy. It's a strange and unexpected toy, but it could end up being hours of fun. It's cease-fire throughout the day, what with the no Kyle aspect of school, but there's a million other things we can tease and annoy each other with, so the day passes with relative quickness. We all filter in as usual that afternoon, but the filtering of Kyle does not occur. We share a pouty moment. "So, real schoolwork?" Jonas suggests, sounding less than enthused. "Looks that way," I say with a lack of enthusiasm surpassing his own. "Oh guys, cheer up. Learning is FUN!" We frown at each other at each for awhile before Jonas asks, "Do you want to punch him or should I?" "I think it would be best if you did it." "You think it would be best?" "Yes." "Why?" "Because he'd hit me back." Jonas takes a quick sideways glance of Celery, who happens to be grinning dangerously and at that very moment does a quadruple knuckle crack. It makes a spectacular sound. "I fear for my own safety as well. I'm taking the cowards way out. Droogies, let's study." Much bummage, Kyle never shows, and we end up working straight through all our work. How fun is that? "I've gotta go, check ya later super V's." Jonas gives us a lack lustre salute, which Celery and I return, and slips out the back (also sometimes known as the kitchen) door. Celery looks at me. "Nobody's home." "I noticed that." "When do the twins get back from practice?" "Not till like 6:30." "And Kara's at Sues'." "Uh-huh." He grins, finally ending the deadpan. "We're not upstairs right now because?" In the spirit of efficient time management, I don't respond, I just race for the stairs, with Celery hot on my heels. Every so often, I really love Tuesdays. We're more relaxed about the sex thing now (in case you hadn't noticed). The first time it was like this monumental event, the same as the first kiss, but now we're getting to be as relaxed and comfortable about it as we are with the kissing. We can even joke around about it, and talk to each other more openly. The joking happens before and after, but never during. During we tend to be unusually serious. Because really, there are just some events where you couldn't hope to have the presence of mind to make a joke. No pictures will be drawn, and I'm sure you have at least a vague idea what I mean. That's really all you ever have anyway, so why change things now? But the main thing is that all this hasn't taken any of the magic or wonderment away, only sweetened the experience. The next afternoon there's more joy on the Jonas and Kyle front. Everyone shows up for the afternoon session of studying and fun, plus I've concocted an evil plan, so it's good all over. "You guys," I begin in a serious tone that gets everyone's attention. "I've been thinking about this a lot, and I've come to a decision. I don't think it's right that we're joking about the feelings you two share. It's obvious that by brining out into the open and then joking about what are clearly your deep rooted subconscious feelings for each other, we're trivialising your emotions. It's not right. You guys have to face what you feel, and you have to know that when you do, Celery and I will take you seriously and accept you - not mock and disbelieve you. That's why all this has to stop." Jonas and Kyle are looking grave. Rats. "You're right," Jonas says with a nod. "I don't think I admitted how I really felt - even to myself - until just now." He turns to Kyle. "Kyle, I love you." I'm a little annoyed, cause my plan didn't work (not that I totally expected it do), and feel a grumble coming on, when Kyle smiles tenderly, and Jonas kisses him on the mouth! There is no possible way to describe what happened to me. I think my heart may have stopped. Shock is so much less than what I felt, and obviously, it showed. Humorously so apparently. There's a good long period of time when they leave me hanging, and then the laughing starts. This time Celery doesn't even have the decency or a sense of loyalty strong enough to laugh silently, it's full barrel, loud and long. My recovery takes ages. "I'm going to fix ALL your wagons." I say holding up a threatening fist, standing for the threatening affect. I find one is seen as more threatening standing than sitting down. But that's just me. Maybe you go for that James Bond evil guy spin from behind a chair, `hello mister bond' thing. I don't know. "You could kill me, and that it still would have been worth it. The look on your face was without a doubt the most hilarious thing I have ever seen in my entire life. I will weep for the rest of my days, over the thought that it wasn't recorded somehow for future generations to enjoy. Luckily for me, it's something I'll never be able to forget." "Especially yours Wepeel, you're at the top of my list." I sort of like muttering darkly. It's kind of fun. Give it a try some time, you'll see what I mean. "You have to give them credit Care, full mouth for effect? I was even shocked for a second. That was a master stroke, and you know it." I sigh. There's no denying it. "Yes, yes. It was a brilliant manoeuvre." I say begrudgingly. Then, over that and on to curiosity, "Did you plan it?" They shake their heads. "Pure improv," Jonas grins. "You think you were surprised - how do you think I felt when Kyle started kissing me back!" Kyle kicks him in shin. I know cause of the wincing, and past experience. Kyle's a kicker. "Better watch out, now you've got both the Vasskez brothers out to do some wagon fixing." You've never heard the expression `fix your wagon'? It's another one of those fun things to do I suggest you try. Few threats are better. "My bind is black with terror. Can we get to work now, Carrots obviously needs some additional time for scheming. Dude, your delivery was very convincing, and I admire you for setting your sights so high, but you've gotta think a little more basic. You've got to set that kind of thing up better," I shrug. "You're right. It was worth a try." I sigh, giving them what I hope is a thoughtful look. "Besides, in all seriousness, I'm still not entirely convinced I was even totally off base." There's a fraction of a second where eye widening occurs in both of them, and so that's some gained ground. "You may prove to be a worthy adversary after all," I grin.