Date: Sat, 22 Feb 2003 14:30:11 -0600 From: Karla Schulz Subject: Carrots and Celery Chapter 12 All I can say is, brace yoursevles for chapter tweleve. Oh yeah, and props to Nick. This is his last chapter. We wish him well at University. Don't work too hard kid. "What's up droogs?" Jonas says, sliding into one of those fabulous orange cafeteria chairs found in this and so many other fine highschools across the country. Droogs? That's from A Clockwork Orange. A totally wack book, with some very cool lingo, that Jonas loves. The book and the lingo I mean. It's his quote reference of choice, and both me and Celery had to read it to keep up. But the reading up aside, can you say, peas in a freakish pod? "I'd say the sky, but that would be lame." I say back. "That's never stopped you before," "I notice you only make jokes when you're making fun of me," I report my observance to Celery. He grins. "Finally picked up on that eh?" I swat him with his hat. Jonas smiles. "You're adorable," "Shut-up Wepeel," Wepeel? Well, there's this Weezer song called My Name is Jonas, but once in the song it goes 'my name is Wepeel' instead of the customary 'my name is Jonas', so sometimes we call him that. Mainly me. "Where are Brian and Alex at?" I ask to move the conversation away from the further mocking of me. "Brian's at track," just for the early morning runs alone, I can never understand why any even half-sane person would want to be in track. "And I think Alex is in detention again," "Damn, what does that kid do to get himself in so much trouble," Jonas shrugs. "He sleeps in class," Celery's says quietly. "Huh?" "Yeah, or, he's always falling asleep in the classes I have with him. And he's late a lot. You've never noticed that?" "I don't have any classes with him." "Sure you do, we both have Bio with him," Jonas tells me. I'm a very bad person. Very bad. "Oh." "And Celery's right, he is often sleeping through that these days. How come?" "I think he has an after school job that takes up a lot of his time and keeps him up late," Alex was supposed to be the friend I brought to the mix, how come Celery knows so much more about him than I do? "How do you know all this?" "I just hear stuff. I don't know if it's true, but it's better than some of the other stuff I've heard, and seems to be the most likely," Wow, my future husband (even better than fiancé!), mister gossip. Not that he takes part, but Celery has always been an intense listener. "He's okay though right?" "I don't know, I think so." We all look at each other, and I know we're all thinking the same thing. We're supposed to be his friend, but we barely know him. I barely know almost all of my friends. "We gotta go to class," Jonas says breaking the silence, a second before the bell rings. Not saying anything more, we all get up and make our way to our lockers and first period classes. At lunch I know we all sort of want to say something to Alex, but none of us knows what. But I mean maybe there is nothing TO say. He certainly seems happy and lively enough. Or is that all just an act? Have there been signs I've - we've - missed? Maybe something's wrong, but then again maybe he's just tired, or bored with the subjects he's taking. But that doesn't really seem like Alex. After all, I only met through the S courses we've ended up taking together over the years. What? Oh. In our school there's General courses (G) and Specialised courses, which are S. Alex is a smart guy, I don't understand why he's sleeping through his classes. "Still brooding?" Celery asks me as we're walking home that afternoon. Jonas isn't with us because he had to swing by his house for a book he forgot. Plus I think he said something about his parents wanting him home more. He misses afternoons sometimes now because of that. Not often, but it's annoying. Right when we were starting to get our groove going you know? I shrug, in response to Celery's brooding question. "A little," "Cause you're worried about him, or cause you feel guilty about your lack of attention?" I smile the 'you know me too well' smile. "Both I guess. I just feel like I'm so selfish, or like I have this major malfunction. I mean, why can't I be a decent friend to more than two people?" He gives a squeeze to my shoulders. "You are," "No I'm not. I didn't even know that stuff about Alex, and he's supposed to be a friend of mine. Trying to make me feel better is appreciated, but don't lie about it." "Look, some people hold themselves off from everyone, and just like PRETEND to be something they're totally not. Pretend to give so much when really all they're doing is holding something totally separate in. At least you're open and up front about what you think you can give." "And I give SO much," I say, I'm getting a real good self-deprecating tone down. "You do. Care, you give me my life - that has to counts for something," I smile sadly. "It counts for everything." "So?" "So isn't that the problem?" "I thought this was something you were basically over," "It's better than it used to be, but only by one person. Remember what Jonas said? That there are other cool people in the world? Not JUST him though right?" "Baby," He stretches it out real long, like a sigh. "No. It's okay. I mean, I have to know my limits right? Even if I don't like them. This is me," "It's me too," I look up at him, and realize that by judging myself, I'm also judging him. I don't see Celery as a selfish or bad person, so does that mean I can't see myself that way? He's Celery, and he's mine. That's all there is to it. I can imagine the distress I would experience if it was him talking this way instead of me, so I smile. "You're right. It's passing," and it is too. Because of what I just said up there. Read you fool! That'll teach you to skim through the non-dialog. Slacker. "Good." "It's been awhile since I freaked out about anything. Did you miss it?" I say with a taunting grin. "Oh yeah. Everyday." His arm slips off my shoulders and we walk the rest of the way holding hands. Have I mentioned how much I love holding Celery's hand? I have? Well good, because I do. No Kyle when we get home, but he can usually only make two or three out of five afternoons. We try to get to work while we're waiting for Jonas, (though waiting may be too strong a word since we're not totally sure if he's coming at all) but end up playing this silly game with our pinkies. How can I describe this? His hand will be lying on the table, and I'll sneak my hand over and make contact with my pinkie, then pull back, and then he'll do the same thing, and so on. It's as lame as it sounds, but we often fall into it when we're supposed to be doing something else. We're just way too addicted to each other I guess. Jonas shows up in his usual way (that would be unannounced through the back/kitchen door) a little after the pinkie game has deteriorated into full hand holding and eye connection. Looking into each other eyes can be a dangerous thing. We'll get stuck like that sometimes, drowning in the others pools or something poetic like that, and someone will have to snap us out of it. Failing that, we'll end up kissing or more. "Cut it out droogs," He commands, tossing himself into a chair and dropping his bag. Jonas is going to be a bag lady someday. He's got this massive thing made out of hemp, covered with a wide and strange array of buttons and patches. His mom got him it at some weird all hemp products store, and he takes with him almost everywhere he goes. It all pouches and strings (and don't forget those buttons), filled with enough stuff to open a small store or possibly get you across country. The only explanation he'll give is that he's a compulsive pack rat, with the added twist that he needs to be WITH all his useless accumulation of stuff at all times. He promises it's not a 'you never know when you're going to have to jam' runaway thing like that chick from the Breakfast Club. "Huh?" We both say. Huh is standard when we're emerging from one of those trance like moments. "Don't play innocent with me. I know what you were up to. Five more minutes and I would have been prying your mouths a part," Not much we can say to honestly refute that. "How lucky for all concerned that you did show up then." I say. Celery's glaring, pretending to take this less casually or with as much good nature. "Thanks a lot Jonas," Jonas laughs, mostly cause of Cel's surprisingly convincing pouty, angry tone. For some reason, I take a second away from the levity to glance at my math homework, and realize I still don't have a clue how to work the latest and highly mysterious concept we were "taught" today in Pre Calc. One day, I really will get back at Celery for tricking me into taking that class. "Dude, as much as I'd rather do anything else, can we work on math for awhile," Celery goes into understanding-tutor mode, and Jonas gets down to some of his own work. Unlike me, Jonas was not wheedled into taking such a ridiculous course, and doesn't have to worry about such things. --- Maybe it was my lingering guilt and concern about the whole Alex, inattentive friend thing that made me go up to him, the new guy whose name I've now learned is Kaleb, or maybe it was fate trying to be funny or just some impulse, but does it really matter? No. What happened after I went up to him is what matters, what's still happening right now. We've been talking, and he's laughed in all the right places, and I've laughed in all the right places, and it's been instant click. My heads usually too full of Celery to allow for instant clickage with anybody, much less some cute new guy. Cute, very cute in fact, but I swear I recognised he had a face I didn't before I ever recognised the cuteness of that face. So he's cute and we're talking, and he knows all about movies from the 80's and has seen The Princess Bride 17 times, and in case you missed it before, we're laughing in all the right places. "So," he says, suddenly with his hand on my arm. "What are you doing tonight, since I'm new, maybe you could show me around the neighbourhood?" Nothing's going on here though, right? I mean, he's just a straight guy who wants a tour isn't he? I've never been flirted with by another non-Celery guy before - I have no idea how it works! Ack! "I can't, I have sort of running plans every night," "Running plans?" "Is that the wrong term? Long standing maybe?" "What kind of plans?" He asks with a patiently amused 'I still have no idea what you're talking about' look. "Watching Buffy and hanging out with my best friend," and my boyfriend! Help, why didn't I say that? "Oh yeah?" What's wrong with his eyes, they're all, I don't know, hiding something - no - up to something, that might be better. "Yeah, tradition." He nods. "Some other time?" I shrug. "I'm usually pretty busy," "With your best friend," I nod and gulp. I'm pathetic. "That's right." "That's too bad," and before I can dig myself in any deeper, the bell rings and break is over. I get to my locker early that afternoon, but Celery's even earlier. "Hey, where were you at break, I got sort of worried," I smile. "You remind me of me," He smiles back, but still looks a bit worried. "So?" "New kid. I talked to him. Seemed nice, funny. He's a P.B fan," "Cool." "Not as cool as you," I say, kissing him lightly. The grey's gone and his eyes are normal again. "That's a relief." I roll my eyes, we find Jonas and start heading home, but I can't seem to forget Kaleb. Not even Kaleb himself really, just how I acted around him. How he acted around me. What was up with that? Apparently determined not to let me forget about him, Kaleb turns up at break again the next day, morning this time. "Hey," "Hi," I say, trying to judge my own tone and deciding it was neutral. "You know, I've been hearing things about you," He sounds friendly, playful, not threatening. "Oh yeah, like what?" "Like that best friend of yours is also your boyfriend," I don't need a mirror. I blushed. I know I did. "Yeah well," "Lucky you, he's hot." I grin, after all, he is. "I know." "So are you." More blushing. Add also some confusion. I mean, this is a GUY right? Pretty untypical high school male behavior. "Thanks." Really, it's not big deal. His tone was relaxed, not like seductive or whatever. Definitely not flirting. "How long've you been together?" I shrug. Genuine curiosity was exhibited. "Hard to say. 11 years or just under two months?" "Sounds like a story," "A long and strange one, but I can't explain it now. I've got to go find him," He smiles. "Don't let me keep you." When I find Celery I have no trouble what so ever forgetting about Kaleb as we smile foolishly at each other and stand in the hall kicking each others feet occasionally. Who knows why. Kaleb keeps popping up over the next couple of days, strictly in the casual, breaks and class time sense, and we're becoming school friends. I've decided that if I can't be REAL friends with more people, at least I can be a better school friend, and I've started with Alex, Brian, and Kaleb. Who I happen to like a lot. All of them, but I'm talking about Kaleb mostly. I told you about the clickage. That's wasn't a fluke. We get along really great. Quality guy all around. "Dude," Jonas says slapping me on the back. We're just walking out of our Comp English class, Celery's in Trans. Sigh. Composite and Transactional. "Yeah?" "Can we talk?" "Aren't we?" "Hilarious, but seriously. Who's that Kaleb dude you're always hanging out with?" Huh? Always? "What do you mean?" "Well, who is he? You've been missing breaks lately, and whenever Celery goes looking for you, he always finds you talking to the Kaleb guy." "He's my friend, sort of. Nothing serious, we talk sometimes," "Okay." "It's not like a big deal. Why, is Celery upset?" Jonas shrugs. "More like he's trying NOT to be upset. And he's mad at himself, cause he feels like he doesn't have a right to monopolise all your time, even though he kind of can't help but want to. He's all torn between being jealous and worrying about smothering you." Give me the prize. I'm the most oblivious person on the face of the earth. I didn't notice any of that. "Should I talk to him?" "You might want to, yeah." "Thanks Jonas." "Hey, don't worry about it. Happy to help." I return his earlier slap on the back and we split up and head to our next classes. I pull Celery away from the table at lunch. "Let's go for a walk, okay?" "Okay," He says agreeably, shrugging. Once we're outside the school grounds (open campus's are kick ass, aren't they?) and walking nowhere in particular I say, "You upset about anything?" He frowns. "Talking to Jonas?" I smile. "Maybe," He sighs. "A little, but it's stupid." "Like every single thing I've ever been upset about hasn't been stupid. When has that ever stopped you from being understanding, patient and caring?" "It's not even that I think you like him in any way but as a friend," "It's enough that I like him as a friend." He nods, looking sort of ashamed of himself. "Why am I like this?" "Like what?" "So fucking territorial and possessive!" Whoa. Yeah, that would be tad more than only a little upset, I'd say. "It's just cause I'm so awesomely awesome," I say, doing my injecting humour into a serious conversation thing. He doesn't react. "Oh come on Cel, laugh," He smiles at me finally, but then turns away again to stare straight ahead. "I don't like being this way. Feeling like this," I squeeze his hand. "There's nothing wrong with you," "Sure there is! I don't own you," "Yes you do." "What?" He stops walking abruptly, looking at me again, shocked and possibly angry. "I'm yours, I belong to you. Same way you do me, isn't that old news?" I wiggle my ring finger at him. "But you're not my property," Not ready to let it go just yet. "No, I'm your friend, and your lover, and the person who you're going to spend the rest of your life with - if I have anything to do with it. So it's okay to feel like you want to keep me all to yourself, sometimes, as long as you know and accept that it isn't always possible. I'm cool with you having a say in who I spend time with, cause mostly I want to spend time with you - so if other people are going to be involved, it's important that you like them too." I can see what's going on in his head through his eyes, the swings of thought and mood, until he eventually settles on the one he voices. "We're not normal, are we?" He asks, shaking his head. I grin. "So who wants to be normal?" Dancing on my Grave friends. That's a cool book. "You're getting pretty good at this," "What?" "Talking me down from my freak outs," "Good teacher." "Aww." In the same second, we squeeze each others hand. --- I do my best to explain the situation to Kaleb, but for some reason he doesn't seem big on hanging out with both of us, or even sitting with the whole crew at lunch. He's still friendly to me in class and stuff, but he acts like he's holding back or something, keeping me at arms length. And I mean, I'm not even usually paying close enough attention to notice something like that. One day I ask him about it. "Man, what's up with you? You seem down about something or whatever," He smiles. "I like you. I know you have a boyfriend and I'm cool with that, but I still like you." "Like me like me?" What an uncomfortable conversation this has suddenly become. He nods. "Yep." "Why?" He laughs. "Cause you're hot and funny and you understand that Adventures in Babysitting was one of the most brilliant films of all time." I can't help but laugh myself. "Well, okay, you're right about the last thing, and there's no denying that I'm hilarious, but hot? Don't be silly," "Trust me. You're very hot. Doesn't Celery tell you that?" I shrug. "Yeah, but who's going to listen that guy? He's also been known to tell me I'm the ONLY person he thinks is hot." "You don't believe him?" "Oh I believe he believes it, I just also believe it makes him a highly unreliable source of information." Kaleb laughs again, and then shakes his head. "This dude, is why I like you. You're just fun to be around." I frown. "I'm sorry." He rolls his eyes, grinning. "Please. I should be sorry. This is all weird for you now, I probably shouldn't have told you, but I figured what the hell? I already knew what your reaction would be, and I'd heard sharing your feelings with people is supposed to make you feel better." "Does it?" "Not really," He says, still grinning. "Is there anything I can do?" "Get ugly, mean and dull?" "I think I can manage that." Damn. Am I flirting? Is this what flirting is? Tell me honestly, am I tramp? Shut-up! I am not. "Dude," he says quietly. I sigh. "Yeah." "I know there isn't any feeling behind what you're saying, but it still sort of gets my hopes up you know? Even though in my head I know it won't happen, so maybe, I don't know," "We can't stay friends?" I ask-state sadly. "Maybe once I get over the crush..." He offers. I smile. "You're sure you wouldn't even want to like eat lunch with all of us? Those guys are really nice," he shakes his head. "Not right now. Like I said, maybe later." He laughs. "I wouldn't want to risk pissing that boyfriend of yours off, he'd eat me for breakfast." I shake my head, suddenly feeling totally serious. "No, if he thought I really liked you he'd encourage our relationship." My statement, and the fact that I clearly mean it, sort of blows Kaleb's mind. "Wow." I nod. "That's pretty much what goes through my head about 99.9% of the time I'm with him, yeah." "Lucky both of you." The bell rings. And another break bites the dust. We look at each other guiltily. "I should go, class," "Me too." "So, like, I won't be seeing you?" I say, trying it on. He shrugs. "Later." "Yeah okay." "Ta." "Bye." So we go our separate ways. In class Jonas raises his eyebrows at me, and I write him a quick note just saying how I had to get some stuff sorted out with Kaleb. He writes back, 'what was the problem' and I mouth back 'tell ya later.' "So what's the deal?" Jonas asks me as we head to my locker. "He was acting sort of weird around me and I asked him why and then we just had to talk about it for awhile." Jonas shrugs. "Well he has a major crush on you, that's obvious." What?! Seriously! Am I like blind or something? Am I doomed to NEVER be able to tell if someone is interested in me or not? "How did you know that?" "Just like I said. It was obvious. But to his credit, it was also obvious he wasn't planning to do anything about it." I nod. "That's what we talked about. He said he was going to keep his distance for awhile, but then when he gets over the crush, maybe we'll talk more again." "You going to tell Celery this?" "Of course! I tell him everything." He nods. "Good." A few beats or pauses or whatever later I ask, "Jonas, do you think I'm a tramp?" Jonas laughs loudly. "A 'tramp'? Not only are you not a tramp, the very fact that you used the word 'tramp' is the funniest thing I've ever heard. Dude, you crack me up." He's still laughing and shaking his head. "So I'm not a tramp?" "Definitely not." By the way, we haven't been walking to my locker the whole time. We got there around the time he informed me of the obviousness that is Kaleb. Celery's just absent for some reason. I look around. "You don't think he's like, mad or something do you?" "Mad? Celery? No. He's just late." "Doing what?" "Who knows, he'll meet us at home, come on. Walking will help ease your worry." "It will?" "Yes. It will." Less than half-way through the journey Celery the stealth master sneaks up on me, almost scares me to death by shouting 'boo!' really loud from behind and then gets a smack with his hat followed by a grudging kiss. "Where were you?" I ask. "Where were YOU?" He counters. We mock glare at each other for awhile. "I was talking to Kaleb," I say. "I was talking to Alex." "Really?" I say, suddenly very distracted from Kaleb and interested in his news. "How come?" "No come." Let's not even go into how bad that sounds. I'm sure he didn't mean it like that. Or at least I'm hoping with everything in me that he didn't mean it like that. "Just cause. I passed him by his locker and we talked for awhile. He told me he sleeps so much in class because he's always driving out to see his girlfriend in Transcona and getting back late. I heard that rumour too but I discounted it cause I didn't think Alex would do something like that. I thought maybe he was covering, but I'm pretty sure it's the truth. He said he knows they have to tone it down, but apparently she's going away for the summer, so that's why they've been kind of extreme lately. So I think he's totally fine. Like, when I offered my condolences about detention he just grinned and said it was worth it." "Visiting his girlfriend? That scallywag." They both look at me. "What?" "Scallywag?" I roll my eyes. "Sure. Make fun of the one with broad vocabulary." "Life's so tough isn't it Care," Celery says, putting his hand sympathetically on my shoulder. I shake my head. "I cry myself to sleep every night," "No you don't." He rebuts, with an 'and I know that for a fact' tone. "Well of course I don't. I was being sarcastic." "Really?" Okay. I know. I set myself up for that one. "So are we off the Alex topic now or what?" Jonas asks. "I have no more news." Celery says. I shrug. "So," Jonas looks at me expectantly. "Oh! Right, um, so where was I right? Well..." Once I've finished giving Celery a run down of all Kaleb and Kaleb related events he smiles smugly and says, "So now are you finally starting to believe me about the hotness of you?" I laugh. "Yeah. In fact, I've realized I'm so hot, I can do much better than you. So from now on, you're on notice. You can stick around until I find someone better, but we both know considering how hot I am that won't take long." Celery rolls his eyes and hip checks me hard enough for me to go stumbling into the yard of the house we're passing. "Brute!" I say, wiping myself off. Just for emphasis you understand. It's not like I actually fell or anything. He didn't push me THAT hard. Celery's a real soft touch, he can't help it. He's gentle as a lamb. Like most other times when we have an altercation like that one, Jonas remains on the sidelines laughing at both of us. I kind of like that about him. It's like he's a part of things without interfering in our weirdness. Sometimes he gets involved, but he's gotten pretty good at judging when it is or isn't the right time. That Jonas is a pretty smart guy.