Date: Sun, 11 Mar 2001 17:42:28 -0800 (PST) From: Bill Thomas Subject: Love Hurts! This is a mostly true story of love and sex between men. If your laws or your age make this illegal, leave. This follows "Night Before Christmas" in Youth, "Getting Even" in Authoritarian, and "Those College Years" in College, Responses welcome. Flames ignored. hottoppop@yahoo.com Carl arrived just after noon on the day before New Years. He was early. I was having a party that night; it was to be a strange combination of folk. I intended to mix the church people, the business swingers, even Carl and his wife were to stop by. That was a courtesy invitation; they would leave before the real party began. I was in the process of cleaning and setting up. I had not had a chance to shower or shave for his visit. I opened the door, thinking it was a friend dropping off food or wine. Instead, a big smile on the face of the man I loved greeted me. After several moments he asked, "May I come in?" With laughter, I grabbed his hand pulled him through the door; in fact, I pulled him into the bedroom. He followed willingly. Carl kissed me; I kissed him. Hands moved everywhere and clothes were shed into scrambled piles. This was unusual for Carl as he was always fastidious. He backed me to the edge of the bed and with a surprising degree of roughness, pushed me down on to my back. He fell on top of me and ground his crotch into mine. His tongue forced entry into my mouth and I was pleased and surprised at his ferocity. I struggled free for a moment. This was different. "Is something wrong? Are you mad at me?" I asked. With anger in his voice he said, "Yes! YES! I shouldn't be here." With a "Fuck You!" thought in my head, I turned him quickly and I was on top. Being younger, quicker and probably stronger, this was easily accomplished. I took the lead and kissed him in the same fashion in which he had kissed me, and I fucked my cock into his middle-aged-man softened belly. I kept at it till he responded in kind; until I felt him lose all his inhibitions and self-control. "You going to leave?" I asked in a low, man-in-charge voice. Suddenly, his focus changed. He was teasing me with fine, light touches and kissing me softly; I hoped then and, even now, with love. All anger, all resistance, all desire to dominate in me vanished. I was like the old cliche, "Putty in his hands." All to fast, he was back on top. He traced his finger tips all over my chest and my belly while he continued to use his mouth on my face and neck. His kisses varied in length and pressure, his tongue flicked in and out, he licked and probed with it. The fire within threatened to consume me. I raised my legs and wrapped them around him, my heels pushing his ass cheeks into me. He started to turn me onto my stomach. "No Carl, this way." I wanted to see his face. This time, it would happen my way. His hand took spit from his mouth and he wet himself. I did the same. I wrapped my legs around him and again pulled Carl into me; my hand guided his hard cock to my boy cunt. He hesitated. I raised myself up, I impaled myself on him. Carl closed his eyes and pushed into me. He closed his eyes and that hurt me. His cock hurt me. It had not hurt before; now his cock hurt. I gasped, and turned my head from side to side. Carl pulled out immediately. The hurt was not from entry; it was from my thinking that I was just being his anonymous fuck. "I hurt you. I'm sorry. Here, turn over." He gently rolled me and I let him place me on my stomach. He entered me again. This time, it did not hurt, not as much anyway. It did not feel good, either. He was there; I was there; but it was not good for me. Carl continued to fuck my ass. He began saying love words; I relaxed; it began to feel better. He began to feel better inside of me. Carl bent down and kissed my shoulders, the back of my neck. I could feel his passion building and that alone made me happy. His strokes became slower and deeper and I, in an attempt to show my willingness for what was happening to me, met him thrust for thrust. the friction of sheet on cock head increased and I was with him in those last exquisite moments. Shortly after I felt the rapid contractions of a shooting cock on my ass ring, I myself laid down a trail of white boy juice on the sheet below. "Good, I made you cum too!" he laughed quietly. I thought to myself, yes, you and the sheet did. Carl was happy and that pleased me. In just a few minutes, his hands began to play with my body. He teased my nipples, he rubbed my arms and my legs, and he kissed me from my lips down to my navel. I took his head and pushed him onto my cock. He took in just the head and teased it with his tongue. I was hot, very hot and I wanted to make love to his ass. I climbed on top of him and divided his legs with my knees. I reached down and tried to lift his legs; I wanted his cunt. I wanted to love him in that way. It was not to happen, not that time. He pulled his legs from my hands and quickly slid beneath me till his head was below my belly and my cock was in his mouth. He had both hands around my shaft. I fucked, oh yes I fucked him that way. He took half of me into him. There was nothing again underneath me except sheets and a pillow. The man below was a phantom. It was good; it was excellent; but he was a phantom. I gave him this second load in his mouth. He did not take much time before he was in the bathroom. I heard me, my cum and his mouth juices being spit into the toilet bowl and then there was the sound of the flush. I cared about this man; I cared deeply. This was what he wanted and it was OK, it had to be OK. On the way out the door, he turned and said, "I don't know when we'll be able to get together again. I'm going to be very busy. It's the start of a new year." He kissed me, turned and part way down the walk, he called, "I'll see you tonight!" His smile almost melted me there to that spot. The party went well. Carl and his wife arrived early and left early. They had other obligations. Part of me resented the fact that it was she with him, not I. Before long, both bedrooms were busy. Tammy and I had our turn, too. It was good with her. Sometime around 2:00 a.m. my cousin Fred and his bride-to-be offered to drive Tammy home. She and Tammy were best of friends. That would give me a chance to wind down and pick up before climbing into bed. Gene, an unattached member of our fellowship, offered to stay and help pick up; I was glad of the offer. Sometime after cleaning and another drink or two, sometime after 3:00 a.m., he looked at me and said, "I want to suck your cock. You don't have to do anything." It was just like that, no warning, no readable signs, no horse play, just a direct offer. I stood up and led the way into the bedroom. I pulled off the wrinkled and stained sheets that had not been changed since Carl and heaven knows who else, pulled up the blanket, and flopped down onto the bed with my clothes on. "You going to undress, or will you "Let me do it?" my new companion asked. I just smiled and placed his hand on my zipper. I had only a little guilt, not much. In just minutes we were both naked. Gene was just a year or two older than I. He was handsome, ruggedly masculine, and he knew how to really suck cock. I just lay there, hands clasped behind my head, and he did the work. This was my fourth time for sex in fifteen hours and as I write this I marvel at how well a young body works. It was wonderful and I resisted my urge to respond, to caress him or touch him in any way. It did not take long. I started to grind upwards, to thrust, to twist from one side to the other, to heave my body up into his face. He just did it all. His hands fell away; they now supported his body above me. There was only my cock and his mouth and throat. Gene took all of me; he took everything I could give him. I looked down and I saw Gene, I saw Carl, then I saw Gene and then I saw stars. He climbed up next to me, relaxed his back, my arms enclosed him and we fell asleep. Sometime in the morning I awoke to find a "stranger" in my bed. His back was to me and my hard cock was pressed between his ass cheeks. Carl, Carl? I almost said his name. I stirred just a bit. He turned and kissed me on the mouth. "Morning Stud!" he greeted me. It was Gene. "You remember me, don't you?" My face must have been something to behold. My expression could have been guilt. A hand was on my cock, a tongue was between my lips, another hand was teasing my nipples. That, even now, I remember clearly. Had I spoken Carl's name, the whole world would have known out little secret. "Let's shower first," I managed to grin at him. We quickly made our way, together. He and I peed in the toilet at the same time. He shook my cock for me. That was another first. The water from the shower, hot and forceful, cleared my mind of cobwebs and memories of the night before came back. A hand again on my cock and another on my ass soon had my attention and I offered the same to him. It would be a good morning. At my direction, Gene made the bed up fresh while I started coffee. In just minutes we were back in each others arms. I made love to Gene the way that I had wanted to love Carl. We kissed, I stroked his cock till he came in my hand and I used that to slick his hole and to make me wet for him. He was on his back, his legs spread wide and held back, and I entered Gene with my eyes wide open; I looked directly into his eyes. I cannot say that I did not see Carl there; I am sure that the two images blended together. When I had finished, Gene gave me a big hug and asked if we could do it again. "Later." We would do it again and again. As the next weeks passed, my feelings of guilt lessened. I met with Carl several times in his office. There was always another person close by. I explained what had happened and he "was happy" for me. In fact, he urged me on to bigger and more conquests. I thought this strange; in fact, this bothered me. Finally, sometime during the first week in February, the call came. I still had the house and Carl wanted to "visit" with me, a "pastoral call" was the way he described it. Once again I greeted him with a wet body and a partially opened white robe. It had the desired effect. I do not think it was what Carl wanted but his resolve was weak. In just a few short moments we were on the bed. I needed this man, I needed him in my body and in my life. I would take him on what ever terms he had to offer. To describe the sex that day would be redundant. Thinking back, he was not all that creative. But, it was good! Once again, Carl cared. On Valentine's Day, we had a dinner dance. I made a mistake. During the hour before dinner, I let my hand rest on Car's shoulder; it was there just for a moment. He reached up, removed my hand and hissed in the most ugly voice possible, "Don't touch me." I felt like I had been punched in the stomach. I knew then into what an impossible situation I had entered. I must have turned white; Tammy wanted to know if I was not well. My eyes met Carl's, I turned away. I headed for the Men's Room, I needed to escape. I wet my face, wiped away the tears and the water and looked up to find him standing immediately behind me. "I'm sorry; I should not have spoken to you like that. We have to be so careful." He reached out and touched my back. I pulled away. The tears came again. Carl continued, "Please, please don't do this; don't be so upset; please don't hate me." All I could say was, "I don't hate you." The outer door opened and I vanished into a stall. I waited till the doors closed twice, left the stall, the Men's Room and danced with Tammy. On Sunday, we pretended once again. After church Carl apologized once more. When he smiled, I had no other thought than how much I loved this man. He then invited me to meet with the national president of our denomination. On Thursday, he would be a guest at Carl's home for dinner and we would meet later in his office at the church. This other man had been on local television often, he was a leader in several political and religious movements. I was pleased that Carl thought enough of me that he wanted to introduce us. I arrived on time. Carl saw to it that I was seated next to he "leader" on a couch in his office. He then explained that Carl had told him that I had entertained thoughts of the ministry myself and that he had the opportunity to secure a place for me in one of the better schools of theology in the area, and at no tuition or fees. I was very flattered. Carl knew, though, that I believed that my prior history would not mix well with "the religious" life. I started to stutter when attempting to say, "Thank you, but no thank you." "Relax son, Carl is an old friend; he has told me ALL about you." There was a hand on my upper thigh. I must have blushed furiously for both Carl and the leader began to laugh at me. In a quick move, the older man had my face between his hands and his lips not more than an inch away from mine. "Carl, you were absolutely right; he is beautiful," he said softly and then I was being kissed. My reaction was immediate; I kissed him back. Just as suddenly, I pulled back and looked at Carl. "It's all right, Bill. It's alright. I wanted you to like each other." Carl finished speaking with his lips on mine. In short order I was naked between them. They had taken my clothes off; and soon, both were as naked as I. The Leader dropped to his knees and buried my boy cock deep in his throat; he did it in one swift move. Carl's lips and hands were on my nipples, my face, my arms and then my ass cheeks. He was turning me so that I was on my side and so that he was behind me. He was going to fuck me in front of another man. I tightened my cheeks and did all that I could to prevent that from happening. "Let me, let me," he whispered in my ear. "No, no, I can't," and I shoved my body back hard against his to make it clear that it would not happen. Carl was not angry, his face looked puzzled. His wet, hard cock now slid between my thighs and my sac. His dark red head rested just below my own and the Leader began licking and tonguing and then sucking us both. Carl increased the intensity of his fucking. It felt good; his hot cock felt good between my legs and his cock head was mashed next to mine in a tight mouth space. I did not move. I let these two older men take their pleasures. "Two beautiful boys, two beautiful cocks," moaned the oldest and sucked us both down into him again. I think I was the first to cum. It was an amazingly erotic scene and one that I have gone back to often in my memories. However, there was great sadness inside of me. Carl had given me away; he had invited a third person into my hopes of being loved. This, along with the events of the last few weeks, shattered my dream of "living happily ever after." I knew then that it would only ever be a fairy tale. I would meet the leader several more times in the next few years. Sometimes sex happened. It was good sex. Later that spring, I was asked to attend a national convention of ministers and religious lay leaders in Atlantic City. I was to share a room with Carl. I had all kinds of expectations. I arrived several hours earlier than anticipated so obtained a key from the desk. I went up in the elevator, entered the room, stripped and showered, and made myself comfortable on one of the two double beds. A key turned in the lock and I opened my robe. Carl was not alone! In a not too graceful move I covered myself. Carl laughed and said, "Don't worry, we'll join you." The guy with him was in his early thirties I would find out later and a former priest. I remember that because he described how he would get an erection when he prepared the communion elements! Anyway, Carl had told him I was going to be there and I think they had had plans for a romp alone first. It became a threesome. I can't remember his name; but he was from Fairfax, Virginia. He was a polite southern gentleman in all ways. He sucked us both and we both fucked him. He marveled at how my cock stayed hard after the first cumming and I was flattered. We exchanged phone numbers and met the next time he was in Boston. After he left, Carl and I made love; or I thought it was love and not sex. It was love for me, anyway. This time he looked at me while he took my ass. I loved him still. The next day I saw "Church People" in action. On leaving meetings, badges were removed, ties placed in pockets, and then all hell broke loose. That night, Carl invited a second guy that he had met a few years before to share. He was from Kansas City and I also had him again a few months later. His wife was from New Hampshire and they visited just before Thanksgiving. He was Carl's age and not such a bottom. Yet, he took what both Carl and I had to offer. We exchanged places several times; we shifted from mouth to ass and back again. Carl and I kissed passionately while we each worked our cocks in and out of whatever hole we found ourselves in. At one point, after Carl had done all he could, Kansas City wanted kissing. He stuck his tongue in my mouth and I bit it. "He yelped and turning to Carl asked in an accusatory voice, "You teach him to bite?" Carl answered, "I taught him nothing. He came that way. Amazing, isn't it?" The realization that I was a prise was beginning to sink in. If it made Carl happy and it felt good, I was happy I thought. The next night, a world famous evangelist assumed the podium. He held an altar call. I think I embarrassed Carl when, with glee, I pointed out the two men who we had shared previously. They were right up front. He smiled and told me to be quiet. That night, I wound up on my own. Carl introduced me to a couple in their early forties. The husband took me by one arm and his wife by the other. "Carl has told us all about you," she gushed in a soft, Texas accent. Before I knew it, we three were in a large suite overlooking the ocean. He was "Important." On the elevator, each of them had a hand on my crotch and I had a hard on. In minutes, once through the door now locked, I was naked. They soon were as well. He watched me fuck his wife. She watched me fuck her husband. The third round found me me on my back with my tired cock in her cunt and his face was in my ass; his tongue was licking my balls and the base of cock as I entered and re-entered his wife. Somewhere through the sounds of sex, I heard him say, "Cum in my mouth this time, Cum in my mouth!" Always willing to please, and ready to quit, I pulled my tired cock out of her cunt and did just that. "Now! Now! Now! I moaned. She lifted off of me and two tongues and two greedy mouths sucked and ate at the pig trough. As soon as it was polite to do so, I said "Thank You" and made my way back to my own room. When I entered, I found Carl involved with Fairfax, Virginia. Frowning, I headed straight for the shower without speaking. I heard Carl tell the other guy that he thought it best for him to leave. Carl joined me in the shower. "What have you done to me?" I asked quietly as he began to scrub my body. "Not anything that I thought you did not want," he replied. "Damn you, damn you, damn you! I only wanted you." I was close to tears. Carl led me from the shower; he dried my body, he took me to bed. He made love to me; that time he made love to me. It was wonderful! The next day, Sunday, we had a long ride home on a bus. We choose the last seat; the ones on either side and in front were empty. We talked for hours. Carl told me that he thought I should get married. His reason was that it would be a good cover, that I would be a good husband, and that he was sure I would be a great dad as his four children thought I was the greatest. These things I believed myself. What he said made sense. I did not love Tammy; but she would be a good wife and mother. Just days later, I noticed a discharge, there were yellow spots on my briefs. I called him and he taught me about "milking." A quick visit to a urologist and some pills relieved worry. I had irritated the works by cold water swimming and by sitting long hours on a bus. That experience did bring Carl and me closer; we were both worried about the consequences. The next few months were routine. We met briefly at his office once every two or three weeks or as often as time and safety allowed and I continued on with the men and women in my life. In late spring, Tammy and I parted over something insignificant and I was relieved. Carl and I had one other overnight; I went with him to open his summer place. His wife had suggested that he needed help and I was ready, willing and able. Again, the marriage issue was brought up. Summer was delightful. Carl was home alone most of the week as his family stayed on the beach. How or why we were not "discovered" was a miracle. When fall came, I knew things would change. One Sunday morning in the fall, I entered the meeting hall at church and Carl motioned for me to join him in conversation with a young, attractive woman. I had been out the night before with Gene and was not in any condition to play nice. I moved in the opposite direction. "Bill, come over here, I want you to meet someone!" he called in his best pastoral voice. I complied. He had done it; he had found a wife for me. We, Lois and I, became friends quickly. She was bright, funny, creative and soon fell in love with me. Lois told me that three months later. I was in love with the idea of love and of finally being loved by someone. Carl married us that next summer. Jackie, now back from a two year stay in South America, was my best man. Carl and I continued seeing each other up until a few days before the ceremony. "I think it best that we not see each other for awhile. You need to concentrate on your marriage!" was how he put the news to me that we were to end our relationship. He knew best, I thought and so I agreed. Lois and I had our first fight one Saturday in October. Feeling great anger, I left to cool off and went for a walk along the shore where I met a man. I let him suck my cock. It happened just like that and I wanted more. The guilt however plagued me so I spoke to Carl the next day and told him I needed to talk. We met Monday night at his office. It was true confessions. Before conversation ended, my end was exposed on his desk top and he screwed my ass. I felt guilty so I let him fuck me once again. We were together again and I wanted it to be so. Gene had returned to his home town and Jackie now wanted to take his place in my life. Lois worked weekends and Jackie hoped that he and I could play on Saturday mornings. I made a mistake; I told Carl what was happening. He urged, he asked and then almost insisted that I say yes to Jackie and that he be allowed to join in the fun. Wanting to please, I made the arrangements. Jackie was a good cook; he brought Coffee Cake! He arrived first and Carl was there just moments after. I had not even had a chance to tell Jackie what was about to happen. I think Jackie was suspicious of the special relationship that Carl and I had; all doubts were immediately removed as soon as the door shut behind Carl. Carl took me into his arms and there, in front of Jackie, he gave me one of the most passionate kisses I had ever received. Was he marking his territory like an Alpha Dog? I think so now. Next Carl's hands were undoing my belt and my pants were at my ankles. He turned to Jackie and asked simply, "Are you going to join us?" Clothes were shed all the way into the bedroom and in just a few moments we were all on the bed. Cocks, hands, lips, and ass holes were fair targets for any and all. Jackie, older and more experienced soon had Carl on top of him and Carl's cock buried deep in his ass. Jackie looked at me and smiled. Both of them were very, very happy! "Give me my favorite prick in the world," he said softly, sensing that I was very tense and upset. It was too late now to change course; I swallowed hard, and stuck my cock in Jackie's mouth. I'm not sure what Carl saw in my face. He reached out with both hands and held it gently and pulled me towards him so that our lips met. We kissed but I felt very differently towards him. In those few minutes, my understanding of the man grew and my appreciation of the man diminished. All three of us climaxed quickly and round two began. This time, I found my cock once again in a familiar ass and Carl enjoyed the benefits of Jackie's deep throat. Hands still caressed, strayed over man tit and nipples and played with Jackie's nice cock. At one point I moved behind Carl while he fucked the face under him. My cum wet cock slid up and downs Carl's crack and I actually placed my mushroom head at his rim. He wiggled his ass enough so that easy penetration would have been difficult. Had I so desired, I could have jammed it home. This was still not the way I wanted it to be. My arms wound around Carl's chest, he turned his head so that once again our tongues danced the dance and I slid my hot cock up and down his ass crack until I shot my load all over his back. He pulled out of Jackie and let his man juice spurt all over Jackie's belly and onto Jackie's cock. Carl then used both hands and in a stroke or two, brought Jackie off with us. This great fucking sex was to be repeated again and again over the next year. Carl would occasionally suck our younger cocks, but this was something I would not do to Jackie or to Carl while Jackie was there. I could not make this change. Carl and I were alone perhaps once a month or every six weeks. The sex was good, but it was different. It took some time before I figured out that Carl and Jackie were also having side meetings. I was angry and I was hurt. I decided that the time had come for me to just FUCK Carl. That is exactly what I wanted to do to him; I did not want to make love with him anymore, I wanted to FUCK him. Summer came again and I had the opportunity to be alone with Carl at the parsonage. His invitation was simply, "I need to talk to you." Lois was at a conference for her work so being away from home was not a problem. That evening, he told me that he had requested a new assignment, that he had candidated, and that he would be leaving in just under four months. I could not help it; tears came and began running down my cheeks. "Don't cry, Baby, don't cry," he crooned in my ear. He had taken me into his arms and was holding me tightly against him. I did not cry as I remember. I do not think I said anything. Carl took my hand and led me to the bedroom. He undressed me first and then himself and drew me down onto the bed. We kissed softly, his hands tenderly wandered over my flesh and I burned for him. He was first on top and then I was there. My knees parted his thighs and my cock slipped under his ball sac. I continued to pump there while resting on my elbows. This allowed my fingers to tease and twist his chest flesh. I had the feeling then that this time it would be different. I moved my body back so that I was kneeling in an upright position and I lifted his legs out and apart. There was no resistance. I bent my head down and kissed the head of a now very familiar cock and then my tongue wandered down to his balls and I toyed there for several moments. "Kiss me, Baby; I need you to kiss me." he whispered. I did as I was asked and this brought my cock hard against his crack. He slid himself up and down and I leaked copious amounts of pre-cum. My cock head sought his hole as if it had a will all its own. It found its place and I pressed gently. Carl reached up and his hands where on my upper arms. My head slid easily through his ring and Carl made no sound. He smiled and I nearly shot my juice into him. I rested there, enjoying that most wonderful of moments, that of first entry. He raised his ass up to me; he took me in to his body. I would have fallen onto him had he not supported me. The loving began gently and built in speed and depth of penetration. I fear that I became a wild man as I have heard it described. I have no idea of how long we coupled there. It was exquisite. I must have been shouting for Carl pulled my mouth to his and laughingly said, 'Quietly, you'll wake the neighbors!" With his mouth on mine, and my tongue inside of his, I exploded man seed into him. His cum escaped shortly after when my belly ground against his hard cock. We were finally one. We did it again and then again. Carl did it to me and I wanted him to. Sometime before midnight he sent me home. We kissed good bye and Carl said that we would be together soon. We did do it again over the next three months and it was just the two of us. The last few times, he did not take my ass. I asked no questions of Carl and I was no longer seeing Jackie. My anger disappeared and once more I knew that I loved him. I had a wife that I also loved and I had family obligations. I think back and am now grateful that he did leave. He was upwardly mobile; I do not flatter myself by thinking that the move was to save me. I knew that my visit to his summer place would be our final time together alone. The bed was different, but sex was much like the time when I first took him. Again, he did not try to fuck me. When we had finished, he headed into the shower and told me to let myself out. I tried to kiss him one last time. "No, no, don't do that. I can't let you kiss me good bye." He sobbed once and closed the bathroom door. With a smile on my face, I did as I was told. On the quiet ride home, I promised myself that I would never, ever fall in love with any man again. Lois and I attended the farewell party; we helped Carl and his wife pack. We exchanged letters and then only Christmas cards for several more years. I saw Carl just once again when he returned to a church anniversary celebration a few years later. The last letter I received said that he had divorced and had left the ministry. He died of AIDS in 1993. Jackie died of AIDS in 1994.